Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Baby Sisters and Stuff

Matthew Mike and I had a nice little chat about new baby sister tonight. Want to know how it went?

Are you gonna be a good big brother?
Yuh. (Whispered, monotone, eyes glazed over staring off at nothing while rotely answering affirmative as he always does no matter what ridiculous question we ask, such as, Matthew, did you see a dinosaur today? Yuh.)
Are you gonna love the baby?
Yuh.
Are you gonna kiss the baby?
Are we gonna have a baby like Baby Shane and Baby Amelia?
Is baby gonna drink milk?
Is baby gonna sleep in the crib?
Yuh. Yuh. Yuh. Yuh.

But still, he did seem to be listening. At one point I told Mike, "I think it's sinking in!"

At which point, Matthew pulled his shirt up to discuss the baby in his tummy, and demanded Mike do the same. Oh well, maybe not totally sunk.

Yet again someone today had asked me, Is Matthew excited about his little sister? For some reason although I know the answer is "no because he is less than clueless on this" it always prompts me to go home and try again.

I think there is a very good chance I can walk in with that baby and it still won't "sink in." In a way I hope it doesn't. Sinking in might mean he gets he's not the big kahuna round here anymore. A realization I suspect will not make my life easier with the two of them here.

I would rather he just realizes after about 5 months, oh, that little lady with all the pink stuff is still here. Okay, guess that's fine.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

As Kramer Would Say...

I'm all puffed up! Not all, puffed up really (not quite to puffy shirt standards), but, am suddenly feeling it a bit.

Hopefully it is just the heat, although I have studiously avoided being in it for more than about 3 1/2 minutes. Or maybe it's the 200 pretzel sticks I ate last night. That's not bad for water retention is it?

My B.P. just taken at home is still perfect. I just kinda feel like my fingers are puffy and my face had turned into pumpkin/pie/water filled version of either. Oh well 35 1/2 weeks it's not like anyone feels normal at this point right?

Monday, July 21, 2008

Oh Yeah, Also, My Update

Friday and Saturday I had Braxton Hicks contractions all day, like regularly, like every three to six minutes. Friday it was enough that I went home from work, laid down, drank about 5 truck driver mug sized waters thinking maybe I was just dehydrated, and laid around timing myself letting poor Mike yet again take care of everything else. (Three cheers for being in the third trimester with a hubby off for the summer!)

Three calls to my OB later, and we determined I was probably "fine" and didn't need to come in, but certainly if things got worse, I had "bloody show" (I mean, REALLY, can't we just say "see some blood"?) or the baby wasn't moving, come in. None of these things happened so lest we ruin our Friday night sleep or the rest of our weekend, we just went on like normal and waited for them to subside or get worse. Plus my Mom was here and she agreed it was probably just false labor and MOMS KNOW EVERYTHING so I felt better not going in.

By Sunday, they subsided and I was back to my normal "contract when I stand up or lift anything" mode. Which seems reasonable. But honestly, I had been getting a little freaked out when they had been coming like clock work and really really wondered, was this it?

Luckily, I now have the lovely weekly appointments, which this week, really was lucky. So today, she took a swab of something that by tomorrow, will either confirm I'm for sure not in any early labor ... or confirm that I "might be" in which case we literally will know nothing more than we know now. Which is that I'm a "finger tip" dialated and looking like I'm "getting ready" but that's about it.

Truthfully, I know I should be patient and make it 40 weeks but I have no interest. Like last time, I am just getting to the point where I want her here, safe, and just want to move to the next phase of this thing which is establishing life with new baby. The preggo gig is wearing thin .
I would love to get to 38 weeks and just have her POP ON OUT TO MEET THE FAM!

Frankly the suspense is killing me at work, too. I keep thinking I can go on like normal and it's become increasingly obvious that I won't accomplish 1/2 of what I thought I might before I leave, between doc visits and just limitations on those really long days. Which I don't think anyone but me expects of me. So I've lately shifted focus into documenting how I do things and training someone to do a lot of what I do. The PR firm employee version of nesting?

On the home front, all I want to do is wash and put away baby clothes, cross things off my baby to do list and most amazingly, read baby and preggo books for the first time since, like, my first 10 weeks of pregnancy with Matthew. I have been so laissez-faire, "oh yeah, due in August, anyway that's a nice blouse you have on!" and suddenly I'm all BABYBABYBABY and the paranoid part of me just wonders, is it a sign? Anyway it prompted me to start packing a suitcase, chat with my mom about her visit days, and fold about 100 billion onesies after washing them in non scented stuff. SHOUT OUT: Thanks to all of you ladies who have purchased or loaned me so many kick A girl baby clothes. I was practically beside myself with glee folding up so many many tiny pink THINGS last night.

Last point: my non-stress test was perfect again today, so was her fluid. We are both doing swimmingly, thank you. Somehow that still didn't get me out of any future monitoring and, in fact, in light of this weekend's contract-a-thon I have now scored myself another OB appointment next Monday where formerly I had none.

I realize so many people have dealt with SO MANY more appointments and genuinely scary pregnancy situations. I should not complain. I truly do know this is "nothing" and I'm blessed and we're lucky. I just, you know ... want life to be a little easier again. Which I am thinking might happen sometime after the baby gets here ... like 2014.

Warning: Way Too Much TMI Ahead

SO - I took the breastfeeding class on Saturday and it was GREAT. Despite my thinking my Hardee's breakfast would be the highlight of an otherwise lame day filled with no new information, b.f. guilt, "there's only one way to do this right" commentary, no pacifier lectures and the like ... what I got instead was a pleasant, entertaining and even funny instructor who told us right off the bat she didn't think "Formula" was a dirty word and she also didn't believe all the stuff we'd hear in the official video. Hallelujah, right then my ears were opened.

(And I'm trying to figure out how I can "book" her to be my lactation consultant when I'm in the hospital. There are three at my hospital. Last time I got The Other Two. Never even saw this lady, who, by the end of class, literally could do no wrong by Mike and I. Do you think a 20 spot might do it?)

So, at the class I learned some new things; some stuff that reinforced my friends' experiences and advice; and some stuff I technically learned the first time (yes, in my five day b.f. experience) but had kinda forgotten.

And - big news - I learned I might have (wait for it) not quite the normal, er, don't make me type it ... (nipples) ... and that might have helped make Matthew's and my attempt more challenging last time. I won't bore you with the various remedies but the good news is, there are some.

I WILL impress you (or gross you out?) with how I learned this: when this topic of, umm, nipples came up, she mentioned the varieties you can have and how she is surprised so often when women deliver, that their OB hadn't already helped them out a bit by diagnosing what type they had, so those of us with flat (or the really tricky inverted, thankfully, not me) ones can know you might need extra help.

Anyway, she basically offered to tell us right there if we'd be willing to give her a peep show out in the secluded hallway after the class. And by God, I let her. As I told EEJ, that's just how desparate I was.

See, when I had Matthew, as several of you know, there was this lactation Nazi that completely freaked me the f*** out about b.f.'ing about one hour before we were leaving the hospital. Amidst riding my ass for buying the wrong nursing bras (underwire and also, not having a sleep bra ... WTF, they don't teach you this in college, lady), for having supplemented with formula in the hospital (the nurses practically SHOVED it at us and I didn't know better than to accept it), for not having taken a b.f. class, and for not having brought my pump to the hospital ... well, somehow I started tuning her out. Go figure.

But I do believe somewhere in there the phrase "flat nipples" was mentioned. Naturally everything she said to me went out the window once I mentally deemed her a big old B but that had kinda stuck with me that maybe I was a little, well, not quite the norm.

Anyway, when this TOTAL STRANGER Sat. was nice and funny and made this offer, well, I figured I was there to learn how to make b.f.'ing work right? So I let her inspect me. In less than 2 seconds (one per boob, thank you) she informs me that might have been a big part of the challenge last time.

Now - the other challenges of course was not reading a book or taking a class or really, you know, "preparing" at all. I'm sure they say on page one DON'T GIVE THE BABY FORMULA IN THE HOSPITAL but I'm more of a learn as I go person sometimes and I just figured that would be the case here. So I made mistakes.

I also assumed it would painful, but also all natural and easy. Which was a big joke because it was SO not natural feeling for me at all.

And also let's be honest -another challenge was me sort of being a quitter and not persevering and just in my heart, not being really dedicated.

But dammit, it DID seem harder for me than it has for some of my friends. Now I KNOW that when it REALLY gets hard is weeks and months later .. the times you want to quit but somehow push yourself to keep going, or struggle with that decision. It's the hard stuff I never even got to and frankly, had already planned, I might not make it past. But I had always plannned that I'd at least get a few weeks in, then make my decision. And dear readers, many of you seemed able to "just do it" in that first two weeks ... and that was never us, and now I feel a bit better knowing at least one reason why maybe wasn't my fault. Given that as you can see above, I've got a litany of reasons it IS my fault, engraved on the brain.

So armed with nipple shields and pre-pumping strategies and the like (I promise, I'll end it there) I am feeling more confident, more prepared, more determined, and just, well, not quite so guilty. And as you mommies know, that guilt is often way more than half the battle.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

People, I have a very important announcement...

CANNONBALL!

Ok, ok, more like a tiny baby flip. But still, we shall celebrate baby's head pushing down uncomfortably on my pubic bone again, unlike last week when she was feet down.

Now she's right where she should be and just kicking like crazy, all the time, especially after my 5 p.m. vending machine chips and 9:30 p.m. choclate Breyer's. That's mama's girl.

p.s. If you don't love Anchorman, then this post probably makes no sense. If you do, then I guess I love you.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

And the Winner Is...

Apparently Mike and I are on the right track. NOT that I'm the sort of person to need constant outside validation (right? you don't see me like that, right? do you??) But must say I'm quite pleased with my readership's voting tastes.

Despite the inflated Katie vote scandal of '08, that still would come in second after Rachel. And as it so happens, those are what it's down to for us too. There's one we're leaning toward and one that is more our back-up if when the little squirt is born, she doesn't look like the other. But I feel pretty set.

And I swear I just can't look at baby name books anymore. I started entertaining really random choices like "Colleen" and "Eleanore." When the latter actual got a laugh out loud from mother in law, I realized maybe we were stretching a bit.

Simple, classic, guess that's our thang. So thanks for your input, ladies. It helped.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Oh Brother

Today I had another ultrasound. Saw another chubby baby leg, her FACE, and hair, lots of it.

Matthew and Mike were there too - long story, Mike is driving me around right now which is a pain for him but was fun for us, since he can't usually join me for these.

And Matthew - I was all waiting for this magical moment of him realizing that's his sister on the TV, realizing it's a baby, anything. But what big brother said was "oh, FISHIES!" and ran toward this moving fish nightlight on the other side of the room.

He did show a modest interest at first, identifying my new daughter on screen as "Baby Amelia" which would be Kim and Mark's six week old baby girl. So he does get the idea...even if he didn't grasp today as the momentous event it was. That I did. It was the first time all four of us were together and "hanging out" if you will as new family of four.

And then my little happy maternity bubble was burst when they told me I am now going for weekly monitoring. Like EVERY WEEK. Even though my b.p, her weight, my fluid, you name it, are FINE, they are STILL being like, REALLY cautious and wanting weekly non-stress test and fluid monitoring. Of me. Out in Chesterfield. Where I DO NOT WORK NEAR.

Now, I realize the most important thing is the baby and of course I will go. But really people, I am a bit confused. Last time with Matthew, I was walking around on two hippos for ankles, and we didn't do any of this. My B.P. was also high and p.s. I was a giant giant whale.

This time I'm healthier, smaller and not swelled or at least, hardly at all. And yet I think they'd prefer I take up residence in the Fetal Medicine unit.

Somehow my diagnosis with Matthew went from "borderline pre-eclampsia" at his birth, to "you had pre-eclampsia" when I started the baby girl's appointments. To today some new high risk doc I hadn't seen before started a sentence, "when you see severe pre-eclampsia with the first pregnancy, we want to watch it really closely again..."

Now my pride at not wanting to look like a bad mother kicked in and I didn't correct/argue with him. Also he's the one holding my chart. But really - when did I go from "maybe" to "severe"? Me thinks me smells some guilt and "bullet dodged" from last time? Did they let stuff get a bit out of hand with Matthew and not realize until he arrived safely, thank God? It's weird, I just don't get it.

Mike and I don't want to be the parents that protest too much healthcare but ... seriously, wouldn't some nice kick counts and home B.P. monitoring do just fine?

Oh well, seven more weeks and she'll be here, and I can complain to her in person about the trouble she's caused me. Of course, that's if I can get past fawning over her BIG CHUBBY CHEEKS which we could see in the ultrasound today and which made me realize she sho is my duaghter.