Brother and Sister Muldrow

There's so much to post about I can't begin just yet. So I'll just say... I DO see the resemblance between my kids (my KIDS!!!!) that some people are seeing. I didn't at first but...


Matthew at 3 days old

Rachel at about 3 hours old.Similar eyes, nose, mouth, (cutest little) bags under eyes (that you ever saw). But you can see, she's clearly a girly girl whereas he was clearly an 80 year old man.

p.s. I know these won't hold ya over. You are insatiable for baby photos, aren't you. If you haven't seen them yet, Erin's blog has a beautiful post including a link to lots more photos. Thanks for being SO on the game this week, Aunt Erin, we love you for it.

p.p.s. I wish I could point you to the Web Nursery hospital photos. But I can't because they are not posted like they said they would be. Just like they never ever ever are whenever friends have babies and I obsessively search again and again to see if they've posted. Which they usually do like 10 days later, when the kid's already off to high school.

Live From St. Luke's!

While I am feeling good, thought I'd get at least one official post in. You know, the long detailed boring ones no one else cares about listing every time, contraction and update.

12:05 a.m. - Arrive at L&D with 5 bags, two cameras and the Boppy. We look like first timers, probably. I verify repeatedly, this counts as after midnight, right? That clock is wrong, I show 12:05! Everyone laughs and agrees, yes, we're fine, stupid insurance, midnight. Nurses are so welcoming and we try to be super sweet, funny, super patients that they will love.

12:07 - Mike realizes he's forgotten cord for speakers for IPOD. Despite my protests that we don't need them, he swears we are not doing this without mustic and that it'll take "15 minutes there, 15 back" and off he goes.

1:00 - Low dose Pitocin drip of "1" is in, by 1, how clever! I'm on the monitor, in the uncomfy hospital bed, answered all the questions and covered in identifying bands. And my Sext and the City (SATC for you newbies) marathon is about to begin - Season 1 DVD is playing as the nurse leaves. Oh, and a tiny little pink sleeping pill for the road. Not a bad deal!

1:15 - Ambien is kicking in. Having hard time concentrating on filling out 3 page cord blood donation behemoth form.

1:20 - Mike arrives back, also brought my glasses and contact solution, per my last minute texted request. Brough a bag full of solutions (I have different kinds and probably half expired) and 2 pairs of glasses - both wrong. I own coke bottle glasses from which to see out of when my contacts are out - and thin cheapo reading glasses for over my contact when reading fine print. He brought the Walgreen's $3.99 readers. "Do these LOOK like the glasses I wear when my lenses are out? Do these look like the ones YOU make fun of?" Answer: "I don't know! I didn't LOOK at them." And there yoy have it, folks. The male brain hard at work.

1:30 - Ahh. We are both in the dark, relaxes, watching exploits of those crazy NY ladies.

2:00 - 6:20 - ZZzzz... Ambiens are the bomb. Seriously, I never thought I'd sleep and man did I. Even in this crap bed, I slept. Despite having to wake up each time they can in at 2, 3 and 4 up my Pitocin (by "1" each time. One what, I don't know) or get up to pee or get BP checks or have my monitors adjusted, I slept. The pill just really relaxed me and I could give in to being tired (I really was).I am going to keep a bowl of these out at my house like candy for guests.

6:20 - Awake to have my Pitocin jacked up for realsies now. Also, the poor nurse is more hurried, and for good reason. I learn FOUR LADIES just came in to be delivered. Like, now! One is also my doctor's patient, so I will probably get to see her sooner than I'd thought since I assume she'll stop by to say Hi once she's done with her. Damn, they will all beat me, I just know it!

Did I mention my nurse is 37 weeks pregnant herself and caring for me on the night shift? GOD I love nurses, they are so tough.

6:45 - Send Mike out for fresh ice. Tell him to watch out, it'll be crazy out there with all these new deliveries. He comes back, wide-eyed. I said, I know, I warned you - four pregnant ladies - and they had thought I was their hot priority for the morning. He says the nurses station was completely empty, but he saw one nurse was running down the hall pushing a cart and saying, I hope she didn't already have the baby in the bed!

7:10 - One woman has already delivered!

7:13 - Just heard one more is scheduled for a C-section at 9:30. Side note: Every time I heard that "click" of the IV releasing more into me, I get kinda scared and kinda excited. Side side note: I am definitely feeling these babies now but still, it's really really very bearable. They are not on top of each other yet, and THAT is the kiss of death in terms of my ability to cope.

Temp check... gotta go!

Outtee 5000

Although I am still HERE here, I am now outtee from work. Today was my last day in the office before my leave, which I've opted to start just one day early tomorrow.

I still don't really believe it. That I'm not driving there tomorrow, having cup after cup of bad decaf coffee, ticking down the assignment list, cranking through my deadlines.

nd of course, to compensate for that, I've already promised on my day off, to touch base with someone handling my assignments ... mind you, this was my idea, not hers.

Why can't I let go? Oh yeah, because that's not the type of person that works where I work :)

Seriously, I have mixed emotions. You'd think I'd be elated for a break and I supposed I am/will be when baby girl is coming home in my arms. But tonight, I feel like, "How can I leave work? How do I deserve to just 'disappear' for 12 weeks? This is borderline irresponsible."

Sick, sick, I know. But it's mainly because I know my being gone means increased work stress and hours for my colleagues. It means someone might not immediately know exactly what to do when the client calls like I do (well, like I do most of the time anyway). I truly love the folks I work with and do NOT want to overburden them or stress them out.

Yet another part of me knows, I cannot control this. I am having a baby and this is just THIS part of my life during this one (in reality, relatively short) 12 week time period. Usually and for years to come, I am/will be there and dedicated. Though it'll mean them carrying the water for a while, I know I'd and will gladly do the same in my future there.

And I know that it's borderline workaholic to be worrying about this 2 days before birth. When I should be worried about how something the size of a watermelon is going to make it's way out of
me. In less than 48 hours (God willing). AHHHHHH!

But there you have it. This blog ain't called Deadlines and Naptimes for no reason. I DO worry, a lot, about work. In fact when people ask me if I'm ready for the baby, I usually start answering in terms of transition plans and to do lists, when I think that maybe what they actually mean, do you have all the pink stuff setup in the room?

Oh, THAT? That's been done, or done enough (second time mamas don't sweat the details). But my transition plan and to do list? Well, that's another story. It feels like there could NEVER be enough time to settle that exactly as I'd like it.

I know I've trained my counterparts as best I can, and documented everything in my brain in a Word doc. I pushed hard on final projects last week. AND have offered many, many times that I can be available for questions. That I'm not dying, I'm just, you know, not there.

But I still can't help feeling like, have I done enough to warrant the privilege of being gone for 12 weeks?

And then I recognize that I'm bordering on the Crazies again by not just letting go, getting into baby mode - and acknowledging that it'll all go on without me, and it'll get done.

I think I will get there. Maybe just, not tonight, my first night after my last day. Or maybe not until I have a little pink squealing bundle of neediness to distract me.

Because for me, the only thing to delete one set of obsessive worries, is adding another.

Superstitious

When you're this pregnant and dying to be done, everything seems like a sign.

Earlier this week, I completed a big proposal Tue. and completed my Fantasy Football draft. NOW SHE CAN COME!

The next day I completed a big project and got my haircut. NOW, SHE CAN COME!

Last night we ate dinner at Ruby Tuesday, where EEJ ate before Shane. We then came home and found The Departed on TV which for some reason I had told Mike I wanted to buy on DVD for the hospital stay. Talked to my mom in law who said she had thought I might have the baby tonight. And all week, my mom had emailed me not to have the baby but after Fri. night it was okay because she doesn't have any more work shifts scheduled, having cleared her calendar so she can come in to help us out next week.

It was sign after sign! NOW, SURELY, SHE CAN COME!

Yet here I sit. At home. Stuffed full of baby still.

What sort of sign does this kid need that it is symbolically appropriate for her to come out?

Maybe I should text or IM or DM her in utero? "U r late, come out, we luv you but u r crazy already! j/k, come out soon, xoxo, mom."

Anticlimactic

As several of you know, this weekend we took a very pointless trip to the hospital.

On Saturday morning, I thought I might be leaking fluid. Call exchange, doc says it sounds inconclusive but best to come in, risk of infection if it is and I don't. Ok, sold! Pack the bags! Pack the car! Dump child on babysitters (oh so conveniently arranged already for this very day for our first/last date night in eons)!

But alas, after checking in, getting suited up in a backless gown, getting pantsless, hooked up to monitors, and asking all the "you're about to have a baby, yippee skippee!" questions, like am I breastfeeding, will I donate my cord blood, etc. ... well after all, that, the stupid stupid stupid "fern test" showed I was not, in fact, leaking anything. Except for end of pregnancy not-very-lady-like lady stuff, like everyone does, I guess. Lovely.

I wanted to argue that I knew better, that it wasn't a gush, just a slow leak. And could you check it again? But seeing as how the lady had an M.D. and a microscope, and I had only crazy-lady-I- want-to-be-DONE-dear-God emotions, she won.

I had been losing my mucus plug "stuff" for a couple days prior. Then I saw some blood Sat and thought this is it, the Show! And even though I know that doesn't mean anything, and it can be weeks, blah blah... that combined with the fact that I felt I was leaking, well you see, people, why I got excited.

And why when it wasn't, I was pretty disappointed. I mean, I was there, I was in costume, the nurses that shift seemed nice. What's not to love, let's have a BABY, party people! But it doesn't work like that. No fluid and I was out on my pregnant rear for another 10 days until they'll let me back to be induced.

Thank the Lordy, that number is now down to EIGHT - EIGHT DAYS!

And the last two nights, I've taken looooong walks. In hopes that I'm shaking her further down, because per Dr. Debbie Downer on Saturday, she is way up there still and only a station 4!

That is interesting. Because the pressure on my pelvis is plenty bowling ball esque already. When she moves down "into the pelvic girdle" I am just not sure how I'll stand it.

In the meantime, I'm considering taking up jogging or perhaps Olympics style trampoline, if nothing happens tonight.

I Not Sophisticated

Am I the only one who can't relate to this baby-vegetable size-analogy?

Your baby weighs 6 1/3 pounds and measures a bit over 19 inches, head to
heel (like a stalk of Swiss chard).

Come on, Babycenter.com, get off your high horse.

***UPDATE: She is now LEEK sized. Should be perfect for a subtle yet pungeant broth for a light summer supper...

Think Back...

Dear readers, at the end of your pregancies, were you guys constantly...

• Thinking every Braxton Hicks might be it?
• Praying for your water to break, even in some embarrassing at work/shopping mall scenario, because at least it would be broken? And really, clean up is not your problem, so ...
• Constantly on watch for the, er, mucus plug? Still have no concept of what this is and suspect I'd be terrified/burst into tears upon seeing anything like it. But still anxiously awaiting it all the same because it spells an end to this 9 months project of mine.
• Dreaming about going into labor? Pissed when you wake up?
• OVER people asking you how long, commenting on your belly size (too big or too small), asking "How are you feeee-ling?" with a pinched, pitying look as though you're missing an arm? (and p.s. how do you THINK I am feeling, I have 40 lbs of fat, fluid and baby packed onto me. I am not exactly feeling like a pretty princess..)
• Oh yeah, did any of you turn into giant Biyatches like I apparently have?
• And finally, were you so over positioning pillows under belly/legs in a complex mathematical equation designed to relieve various types of body pain? And even though it barely helps, repeat this exercise 108 times a night waking up dogs and spouse? And oh groan a lot JUST in case anyone doesn't hear the thrashing?

Also I have a question about suitcases. Did you guys really have these ready?

Because I mean, I can kind of pack but half the stuff I still use, so what's the point of putting it in and out of a bag every day? And really, what would be the fun in being prepared anyway? Last time Mike had to pack mine. And I still treasure those pics of me in the atrocious going home outfit he picked for me. Who says a gray and blue "chili cook off champion" t-shirt doesn't go with giant black pants and 30 extra lbs. as a trendy new mom look? And the complete lack of nursing bras - and underwear - in the bag, well, that just kept life spicy. Ah, memories.

I Am Not Open-Minded

Because, honest to God, I really don't see myself doing anything remotely like this.

... Get a broad plank of wood, like an ironing board. Prop it at an angle against the couch or a chair ... Lie on the board with your head down and feet resting on either side of the board on the couch. Try it a couple times to get it right.Remain on the board for up to 20 minutes, 3 times a day. (YEAH I'LL GET RIGHT ON THAT.)

After you've got this down (YOU HAVE BECOME A CIRCUS PERFORMER! CONGRATS, NEW BABY AND NEW CAREER!) and you can relax inverted like this, put a bag of frozen veggies (CAN THEY HAVE A CREAM SAUCE? MMMM), wrapped in a thin towel, behind baby's head, and a very warm “hot pac” in front of the baby near your pubic bone. Put the warm pac on the same side of your belly as the baby's hands and feet are on, but close to your pubic bone.Other times, place a paper towel tube in the same spot and have family members speak through it or play Beethoven. (WE PREFER OUTKAST, HOPE THEY TOO HAVE BREECH FLIPPING POWERS)

What they forgot to talk about was when do you call the witch in to wave her wand while you juggle hot coals and speak Swahili to gently encourage you baby to move away from the peas?

This is dang complicated. And what size ironing board is that anyway? Because I'm pretty sure mine is about a size 6, and I'm about double that action at least.

KJ, was this what yours involved? Because I went to that website hoping for something more akin to "Lie on the floor and gently stretch your leg over your head ..." type of advice. Something more yoga like. And not involving frozen produce?

Oh well, baby Rachel/Katie and I have another five days to figure this out, I guess. Thanks for the comments earlier. Hopefully she'll take a header on her own here soon before I'm forced to make any decisions.

Gonna Be A Handful

Several of you have heard me insist that this girl child will be trouble. Partially because Matthew hasn't been (so far ... knock on fake wood desk) and partially because so many sweet good babies seem to have come along in the last few months that I feel they've sucked up all the good baby vibes.

Well, she is already proving me right. Yesterday I learned this little troublemaker has flipped, again, and is now in a frank breech position.

This is better than foot down breech, but still no guarantees that the (what I have already labeled) horrible version procedure would work, if it comes to that.

It might not - she's only 6 lbs and still has lots of fluid to swim around in so flipping again before Monday's appointment isn't out of the question.

Am I crazy to be more scared of someone squeezing my belly and squashing my baby than of an operation? Because right now I'd be tempted to say let's just schedule my c-section and not even go through what frankly, looks like medieval torture just to have a 50/50 chance to flip this kid back.

And if that procedure involves an epidural (some do) then why on earth would I want to go through that and THEN some type of additional birth related pain, section, vaginal or otherwise?

Granted I am giant baby about pain. Maybe it would be fine? Not that bad? Worth it? I don't know yet. But in the meantime, please send me and baby girl 180 degree thoughts this week.