What If We Went for a Third?

Rachel, Matthew, and Baby Seahorse snuggled into Rachel's crib. One of the most heartwarming moments I've had this past month.

Three DOES balance out the photo nicely. And if babies did nothing except play music and make their tummies glow, staring at me with placid plush faces, sure why not?

But since instead they cry at 4 a.m. or whack their sisters on the head, I suspect we'll stick with the two suckers on the left.

My Little Devil

Because today, I needed a reminder that my little boy is pretty cute and sweet most days. And NOT, as it turns out, Satan's offspring after all...

How's It Going?

Today is the day before my daughter's one month birthday so I felt my first post in 3 weeks might be in order. SOooo... Here's what's going on over here with me and the two (completely the boss of me) short stuffs:

Lots of sitting on the couch marathon breastfeeding sessions while watching endless morning/daytime/middle of the night TV. Which means CNN is about to cut me off as a junkie because it's the only thing that's dependably decent.

Lots of negotiating. Matthew, if you let Mommy feed Rachel, then I'll play Play-Dough. Matthew, if you let Mom finish pumping, I'll play cars. Matthew, if I let you watch Thomas, will you sit here next to us? (This just in) Matthew, if you let Mommy do the computer, I'll let you watch Wheels on the Bus (Thank you, YouTube, for not being a totally useless time waster but also a helpful childcare device. There are LOTS of cute videos out there. Such as 20 minutes of kittens playing/falling off things... he LOVES it).

Lots of guilt about what I'm NOT getting done every day. Sure, I would tell anyone of YOU just having babies, don't worry about laundry, dishes, thank you notes...and certainly not blogging or posting photos. Yet every day these chores and more loom over my head on most days where getting out of my p.j.'s and feeding us all our 3 squares a day (or 8, as the case may be) should be a big accomplishment.

Lots of borderline neglect of my toddler when I decide, dammit, I AM going to get on the computer or make this call or do X for just ten minutes. Such as right this minute when Matthew is in our room, opening and shutting the door, probably in between going through all our drawers and ingesting something poisonous I don't even know I have in there. And asking me for the zillionith time already this morning, Mama, what you doing? What you doing? Which reminds me...

Lots of endless answering of the same tiny toddler-voice-asked questions. Mama, where Baby Rachel? Mama, what's DAT? (in response to any noise we hear. all day long). Mama, where's Daddy? Mama, where's Maya (cat)? Mama, where's (someone we haven't seen in 3 months)? The amount of questions I am asked and answer each day should qualify me as the all time winner on the world's MOST annoying game show.

Of course, I love him so dearly and on "easier" days am really enjoying the time with him but... OH MY GOODNESS, THE CONSTANT ATTENTION WE NEED.

Did I mention this is only my FIFTH day alone with both of them? Not fiftieth. FIFTH. All the other days I've had moms or helpers thus everything felt deceptively manageable.

I know it will get easier. And I do love taking care of my own kids. But right now I don't have my hard protective "living with a toddler all day" protective shell built up. So it's all feeling overwhelming at the best of times. I'm sure I'll make my bones just about the time I go back to work, right?

Of course, it's not all frustration. There are moments of pure "OMG, how perfect are you kids?" Such as this:

I want to post a lot lot more...birth story, daily observations of being a mom of two, whining comments on sleep deprivation and of course, more on miss Rachel and her emerging personality. As I told EEJ, I have constant blog posts running through my head.

I just need that psychic Star Trek type magic translater to get them straight from my brain into my blog, along with suitably charming photos updates and captions. But until that time, I might be on the slow post schedule. Either that or one of you experienced mommies needs to teach me to type one handed while I feed her.

In the meantime to redeem myself, there are some photos of our first 2 weeks at home posted on my Picasa link here.

The New Style of Post: Random Thoughts from the Post-Partum Compound

Clearly I have no brainpower or time or energy for normal posts. Maybe because I've barely left the house (ok, couch) and breathing the same air day after day is leaving me with lots to say but no brain cells to type it. Anyway, here's the update I can muster:

-- Thank God and the lactation consultant ladies for the nipple shield 101 yesterday. It is saving my boobs, sanity, baby and probably marriage. And probably all family ties and friendships. I was a sobbing painful mess for Tue and most of Wed. Now I am a tired but sane and only slightly pained. Still a mess - but that's only because I'm wearing the same outfit as yesterday and day before and that outfit is milk soaked. Mentally, though - on my way to normalcy again. I think.

-- I hate this expressions (because, don't they all?) but Rachel seems to have her days and nights mixed up. Snoozes most of the day, with some alert periods. But nothing like the wide awake, Where are we GOING? Let's PARTY! personality we got from 2:45 - 4 a.m. last night after her 2 a.m. feeding. And with Mike going back to work today, my go to move of handing her over for an hour of Shushing post b.f.'ing won't work anymore. I think it's gotta be my gig most nights. Fire up the Tivo'd episodes of Oprah!

-- Besides above life-energy-sapping behavior, she is still very sweet. Think we're still in honeymoon period where she only cries when she has a need. Hates to be cold, or waiting for boob and WILL let you know but then quiets down; when she keeps us awake at night, it's just because she will fuss when we put her down, and I pick her up so it doesn't ramp into the scream - but if you just sit and hold her, she's fine. BUT, I know the truth is yet to come. As my doc said at her appointment yesterday, "She'll still be good now. We wouldn't see colic or any of that type of behavior until about 3 weeks." Yes, miss sunshine, I know, but thanks for reminding me. The clock is ticking in my head to that 3 week mark, believe me. I am literally holding my breath until that point.

-- She gained 3 oz since leaving hospital. In the next week she should gain 5 oz. to get back to her birth weight and make me and doc happy. I suspect she'll do it. She is my daughter. She can gain 10 oz. just by LOOKING at a bottle.

That's all from the mommy 'hood for now. More pictures to come, I swear, you people are animals!

p.s. Today I have busted out My Mommy's Pockets apron for the first time. A full review to follow but so far, I've had paci, burp cloth and cell on hand just when I wanted them! And damn, it's so cute. Thanks, Lig and EEJ! And thanks, Hutch, for being to so inventive. I saw your Baby Talk ad, too, just while perusing through the copy I picked up on a BRU run the other day. That kicks butt!