Lots of sitting on the couch marathon breastfeeding sessions while watching endless morning/daytime/middle of the night TV. Which means CNN is about to cut me off as a junkie because it's the only thing that's dependably decent.
Lots of negotiating. Matthew, if you let Mommy feed Rachel, then I'll play Play-Dough. Matthew, if you let Mom finish pumping, I'll play cars. Matthew, if I let you watch Thomas, will you sit here next to us? (This just in) Matthew, if you let Mommy do the computer, I'll let you watch Wheels on the Bus (Thank you, YouTube, for not being a totally useless time waster but also a helpful childcare device. There are LOTS of cute videos out there. Such as 20 minutes of kittens playing/falling off things... he LOVES it).
Lots of guilt about what I'm NOT getting done every day. Sure, I would tell anyone of YOU just having babies, don't worry about laundry, dishes, thank you notes...and certainly not blogging or posting photos. Yet every day these chores and more loom over my head on most days where getting out of my p.j.'s and feeding us all our 3 squares a day (or 8, as the case may be) should be a big accomplishment.
Lots of borderline neglect of my toddler when I decide, dammit, I AM going to get on the computer or make this call or do X for just ten minutes. Such as right this minute when Matthew is in our room, opening and shutting the door, probably in between going through all our drawers and ingesting something poisonous I don't even know I have in there. And asking me for the zillionith time already this morning, Mama, what you doing? What you doing? Which reminds me...
Lots of endless answering of the same tiny toddler-voice-asked questions. Mama, where Baby Rachel? Mama, what's DAT? (in response to any noise we hear. all day long). Mama, where's Daddy? Mama, where's Maya (cat)? Mama, where's (someone we haven't seen in 3 months)? The amount of questions I am asked and answer each day should qualify me as the all time winner on the world's MOST annoying game show.
Of course, I love him so dearly and on "easier" days am really enjoying the time with him but... OH MY GOODNESS, THE CONSTANT ATTENTION WE NEED.
Did I mention this is only my FIFTH day alone with both of them? Not fiftieth. FIFTH. All the other days I've had moms or helpers thus everything felt deceptively manageable.
I know it will get easier. And I do love taking care of my own kids. But right now I don't have my hard protective "living with a toddler all day" protective shell built up. So it's all feeling overwhelming at the best of times. I'm sure I'll make my bones just about the time I go back to work, right?
Of course, it's not all frustration. There are moments of pure "OMG, how perfect are you kids?" Such as this:
I want to post a lot lot more...birth story, daily observations of being a mom of two, whining comments on sleep deprivation and of course, more on miss Rachel and her emerging personality. As I told EEJ, I have constant blog posts running through my head.
I just need that psychic Star Trek type magic translater to get them straight from my brain into my blog, along with suitably charming photos updates and captions. But until that time, I might be on the slow post schedule. Either that or one of you experienced mommies needs to teach me to type one handed while I feed her.
In the meantime to redeem myself, there are some photos of our first 2 weeks at home posted on my Picasa link here.
1 comment:
I so know how you feel...I think I've been there! Hang in there and can't wait to come visit soon!!!
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