BABIES!

This is for you Vanessa because I don't have your email handy. CONGRATULATIONS!

You officially make the TENTH preggo I know of between now and well, your due date. Although one might have since popped, and I also suspect others are brewing.

What was in the water for all us broads last fall/winter? Oh yeah, must have been booze...

You Know You've Gained More Than Just Baby Weight When...

You ask your husband if your butt's getting bigger and he looks terrified. So you ask again and he says, well, maybe a little.

And when you can still fit your pants - but not without a wedgie - which you wore to work before you really realized the full extent of the problem (the problem, again, being your butt).

And when you've consumed about 5,400 calories a day for the last three months out of the cheese and bread and pizza and Special Dark Chocolate Sauce food categories alone. Culminating in a meal Saturday night involving salami, mini-tacos, Cheetos, cheese fondue, chocolate covered Twizzlers and - yes - Twinkies AND Zingers. In my defense, it was a junk food party for my preggo friend Cara, who'd had a rough week and needed fun girl time. In my butt's defense, did I need to bring home the salami in a bag and make a sandwich to take to BED?

Heartwarming Sibling Moments #1 and 2 Down, 999,998 to Go

Last night, Matthew and I were comparing belly buttons. Why, you don't? And instead of saying "button" and poking mine, he poked it and said... "Baby."

WHAT?

I cannot tell you how many people - who maybe haven't been around not-quite-two-year-olds in a while - have asked me what Matthew thinks about the baby. What baby? He knows less than nothing about the baby. He knows one baby and his name is Baby (even though it's William) and he's our neighbor who our nanny Libby also cares for. That's The One Baby of the World.

But with everyone asking, we both felt the need to make lame attempts to teach Matthew about the baby, is there a baby in mommy's tummy? there's a baby in here! etc. Maybe 2 or 3 times. I got embarrassed. Who are we kidding? I felt as dumb as when I try to talk to to the baby in my belly (anyone out there good at that? I feel like a weenie).

Anyway, when the other night happened it reminded me that toddlers are never not listening. They are always, thrillingly and terrifyingly, taking. every. word. in. As evidenced by his also proudly exclaimed "SHIT! SHIT!" tonight after hearing his Daddy loudly struggling with something in the kitchen. But I digress...

Moment #2 was tonight. We're reading something with a baby. I decide to capitalize, pat my tummy and ask what's in there. He says baby, poking my belly button and leaning down for a peek in. Then we talked about, The baby's hungry! The baby needed uppies! And that the baby needed crackers!

I needed a video camera and a Mensa application. I don't care that he can't read yet. HE IS MY BABY GENIUS.

Update: Experiment a Massive Failure

Well, 8-10 glasses of water, and here is an approximation of what I consumed Friday. I don't know exactly because I stopped religiously tracking what I was eating way back in early January. That was when my appetite doubled, ala some type of north woods lumberjack. What was the point of tracking "yep, I ate 60 points again today!"

Raisin Bran crunch - Good!

Morning snack of some sort, let's say apple - Good!

First lunch - Lean Cuisine including chicken breast and GREEN BEANS - Good!

Second lunch - Hot dog - Very Bad*
*Note that I was walking to microwave to pick up L.C. when I overheard a coworker was "going to visit the hot dog guy." With no pride, I asked him to please bring me one, and oh could he buy because I had no cash?

Reese's mini-cup(s) - Since don't know number - we'll say Borderline Bad

Pre-dinner snack of something in my car on way home, let's say crackers - Fine?

Dinner at Mexicon restaurant - ok here goes:
Chips, salsa - Fi... but wait, CHEESE DIP - which I consumed 80% of vs. Mike's 20% - Very Bad
Dos Enchiladas -What do you think?
Fried ice cream - What do you think?
Fake beer -Blech - and Borderline Bad

Second dessert at home, let's say Light Hostess Cupcake - Would be Good! but see above

I'm not saying, as far as pregnant eating goes, this is the end of the world. I am saying, I thought that resuming healthy water drinking - which I've totally not done lately - might restrain me a bit.

And it just had no impact, at all, other than sending me the potty about 15 times that day. Because duh, babies don't like water. They like whole milk, cookies, cheese, bread products, and dawgs.

Experiment

I am trying something today. It's called not eating all day long. I am going to drink my damn 8 glasses of water, and see if that helps. Maybe baby has just been thirsty this whole time after all...

One Question

Why oh why does this baby have to like refined carbs soooooooooo much?

Why couldn't baby like, say, steamed carrots, ice water, and distance running?

Today's Appointment, By the Numbers

157: The baby's heartbeat, which just sounds so damn awesome every time I hear it. Down from 169 on Valentine's Day at our last screening ultrasound. Mike loves to try and predict the sex from this. He read like one BabyCenter.com article and is now sold that higher means girl. But is 157 high or low? We knew it would drop from 169, so is this just in line with that?Apparently baby wants to see if Daddy can do calculous, because I don't think there's any way to figure it out from our pattern so far.

5: My lbs. of weight gain. Ha ha, Dr. Sucker. Too bad for you that you started counting after the first 3-4 went on because yes, on home scale from time I got pregnant, I've gained 9. And I do realize that's worse than I reported yesterday - every day IS worse than yesterday.

8: Approximate minutes I was with the doctor today.

15: Approximate time for them to make my next bleeping appointment and fill out the Quest blood paperwork.

185: Minutes spent in transit to and from and parking for my appointment.

But on a less snotty note...

4 1/2: Number of weeks until we find out boy or girl! I was waivering, but today I got butterflies just thinking about finding out so soon. AND - for those who know I've been struggling - I had my first glimpse of excitement at the idea of either girl, or boy. Yes we all know I'm a terrible mother because I have expressed a preference for an irl-geh. But today I imagined finding out and watching Michael learn he's having another son, and realizing we'd have another little stinky boy running around, and I realized I can picture it, after all.