Deadlines and Naptimes

More Proof I Have Kids

2010-01-18T10:28:00.004-06:00

After how crazy life continues to be, with another trip and busy work week last week, am very much appreciating today's holiday to have some time to slow down, and catch up on, well, life.

This morning, Matthew and I woke up together first, and made blueberry muffins, a common occurrence around here most weekends, aka, Matthew demands it. And to lick the beaters.

In between parenting and muffin-related activities, I used the morning to catch up on digital photos n junk. Which put me in the vague vicinity of doing a blog post, so with Matthew and Mike showering, and Rachel hopefully down for morning nap, thought I'd strike while the laptop was hot.

Speaking of Rachel (and this ties to nothing I'm talking about, but then hey! Neither does this post overall!) is this photo not hilarious? Wearing her new little fake fur coat for Christmas from Aunt Rosanne, and Matthew's old baby sunglasses. No autographs, please, for my little diva.

Think we took this on the way to Aunt Rosanne and Uncle Don's last weekend, they babysat while we enjoyed a nice adults only night at Jones family cabin.

Well I guess that's it for this random post. But I am trying, people, just takes a while to get back in the saddle, apparently.

Did the first week back make you sick?

2010-01-09T08:52:00.004-06:00

It did us. Or specifically Rachel, who started throwing up around 7pm Thursday evening and didn't stop until 2am Friday morning.

Luckily the fates were in our favor to make a yucky (and I do mean GROSS) situation better, at least. Mike experienced a rare snow day Thursday AND Friday. The Friday one came none too soon. Just as we were starting to turn on each other in the, can you stay with her tomorrow? No I really can't but I will if you can't, debated, Libby our sitter texted us that school was off Friday too. She is an avid watcher of such reports.

So Daddy volunteered for night time, snuggling her on the couch duty. We didn't want to put her back in the crib again and change the sheets all night as we had already done it twice before we wised up and kept her with us and out of bed.

We think it was just a stomach bug. She was fine by morning. Nursed along by sippy cuts of watered down Orange Gatorade and a LOT of Daddy love. He really earned some sort of hall of famer badge.

I too earned a badge though maybe a bit sad but equally impressive for the ultimate career/family juggling: finishing up a powerpoint for work, while intermittently jumping up to hold her bowl and brush her hair back.

Add in the fact that it panicks me a bit in general because it's unfamiliar to us. Matthew's only gotten really sick once (on vacation, and it was a stomach flu that had ripped through the condo). Rachel just once did one of those quick ones, "whoops I ate too much BLAHHH" but not due to illness.

So here this tiny tiny girl who can't even talk, steadily removing fluids from her body for 7 hours, and even though I know from good counsel that can go on up to 12 hours before we need to start to worry. But you still worry. And then, it's just so sad.

It must be such a exhausting and frustrating experience for a toddler: having bad tasting stuff come out of your mouth repeatedly, your tummy hurts and churns, you don't even have the benefit to know why it's happening, and you feel sooo tired and worn out by the time it's midnight, and it's not stopping, that you just tip your head right on over your Daddy's arm, into your own puke bowl.

Now she is running around, seemingly rejuvenated (certainly LOUD :), with that energy you get back when your stomach flu mysteriously disappears as mysteriously and quickly as it hit you upside your little gut. So it's over! Crisis, extended flu and even doctor visit, averted.

But boy, does our front room still smell like vomit.

New Year, Funny Kids

2010-01-03T21:56:00.006-06:00

Nothing to shake me out of my blogging slumber like some funny, must-be-documented funny kid stuff. Two tonight prompted this real live actual post.

First, I am putting stuff back in Matthew's toy box. His empty and seemingly unused (and very bulky) Matchbox car holder "suitcase" was there. I ask Mike, "Does he really use this?" Mike says no.

Matthew chimes in, "Yes I do! I do use it!" I say, "Really, what do you use it for?" He looks at me like I'm dumb and says, "For cars!" I chuckle and start walking out and then I hear him mutter, "of course."

Second, Rachel is walking around feeding us imaginary food off her plastic spoon and plate. Bite for her, bite for me, toddle to Matthew, bite for him. She was very persistent and made a few rounds to each of us.

Matthew finally looks at me, a little incredulous smile and his famous big eyes, and says, "Wow, she's weally weally serious."

Wish I could remember more. Being off with the kids the last two weeks, I probably have a lot more I should share. I sure have been laughing at them and loving them up a lot this break.

And with this, I'll keep it short, but hopefully kick off a nice, prolific 2010 full of documenting my kids lives again. Because I really have missed doing so and after all, it is resolution time. And I'm not sure I can say "diet" again or not and "exercise" is laughable, so looks like it's blogging or bust.

Nostalgia, and Something Else

2009-10-10T00:21:00.010-05:00

Tonight I took a spin through the blogosphere, catching up on friends' blogs. It used to be a regular habit (as you all probably know) but lately died off (again, you probably know). No more Aimee comments, or already knowing your news when I see you.

Anyway, I enjoyed it so much, it made me miss it and wonder, what happened?

I think part is the FaceBook / Twitter factor. Why type or read 3 grafs when 47 characters can tell me your latest and greatest?

I think clearly, part is my time. Post Rachel, unless work is unseasonably slow ... even on a regular week, I just truly feel that I. Have. No. Time.

Or rather, none for blogging, that I wouldn't rather put into something else. The 30 - 60 minutes I used to put to blogging, then get my TV time / extra sleep time in, too, has gone POOF with the moment I walked that baby girl through our front door in August last year.

Now, it's a precious 30 minutes to myself at the end of the night, maybe, and I'm just finding I'd rather spend it reading in bed, watching TV or go to bed at 9:30. Just anything totally mindless(trust me, the reading's mindless) non-participatory activity.

And then it ties in to ME just not feeling the blogging bug right now. I hate that I'm not, but it's true. But sad. Because one reason I did it was to document what the kids are up to, for posterity, and for family.

Okay, really I documented Matthew ... Rachel's life has never quite gotten to that status and hell, we know that is just normal second kid syndrome ("hmm, where is YOUR baby book, Rachel? well it must be in the attic, HMMmm, go ask Daddy..." "quick, fill out her blank, dusty baby book!"). I try not to feel too guilty. But I liked having those pieces of their lives down. And I imagined that someday, so would they.

Another part of what's going on is that because we are all SO much more connected - sometimes it's feeling, in a NOT so great way. Just more and more feel that nothing's personal. So, my FaceBook connects so someone's whose connects to their blog to mine ... basically, I consider anything on the ol' interweb to be so public that sharing my real, true thoughts with you now becomes ... for various reasons ... impossible.

And I'm not good at the random trivia. I'm not a "did you ever notice ..." kinda blogger. I'm more a "this happened, CRAP, let me ruminate here about it ..." and when I don't feel I can say what I want, then what is there to say?

Soooo ... for a long time that just left me with happy, inocuous posts. Kid milestones. New photos. Birthday party updates. Which are great and important and I want to make time for those too.

But my point of view feels gone, and I think with it, my motivation.

Oh well, at least I choked this whiny one out right?

Advice? Feeling the blogging burn, ladies?

Concession Post

2009-09-28T22:02:00.005-05:00

So, hmm, I do not seem to be blogging much. Sad. Just ... absorbed in work, life, and other things, I guess. Hey - I've actually been reading! Stupid stupid Twilight series sucking me in (save the commentary, non-fans - it's dorky, I know).

And yes, I even missed commemorating my baby girl's birthday, birthday party, Bridget's and much more. Unforgivable!

Recognizing, however, I still don't have it in me to scoop it all up in some witty posts just yet, but not wanting to deprive you of my beautiful girl's birthday shots any longer, I'm hoping this will tie you over.

This one's on my screen saver at work every day and just really makes me happy.

This is probably my favorite of the bunch. Grama Claudia and her baby Rachel.

Of course, then there's Daddy tending to his cake-faced one year old daughter (sigh :)

And the artsy black and white - Rachel with her most favorite toy, my old (OLD) doll from when I was a baby. These are all taken by Uncle Mark Jones at her party. He posted them to Picasa for me before I even had thought about downloading mine, which didn't compared at all. Mark was like a photojournalist, all OVER this party. Thank you Mark, what a gift.

Why I Like Taking Him to School

2009-09-03T22:16:00.000-05:00

Even though it adds to an already rushed pre-work morning routine, I have claimed the job to take Matthew to school Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Even though Mike literally works about 200 feet from his school.

THIS face is a nice way to start the day.

Granted, this was from his first day of school. Not getting this joyful reaction every day. Some days, it's more like giant amounts of "I don't want to go - I want today to be a home day!"

Which is fine, because (a) he's adjusting to not having his Libby everyday and that's a tough one, and (b) he only got to bring that Lightning McQueen backpack on day 1, since it was all for show. Nothing in it. How could he ever get THIS excited again then?

But I like to think he feels a BIT of that excitement when he walks in each day to his big boy school, even if he won't admit it. I sure feel it for him.

Happy Crawler, circa 9 1/2 months

2009-08-16T11:53:00.000-05:00

Had a few minutes, so I'm looking for photos to print. Even though it's dated, how cute is this? It was take in early June - just after Memorial Day weekend when she learned to crawl.

See that face? She was OVERJOYED by her new capacity for movement, escaping us, and finding trouble unaided all over the house. My girl.

What You See is What You Get

2009-08-03T22:06:00.003-05:00

I have neglected my social media channels badly lately. I am attempting to carve out precious time to dip a toe back in. So you'd think I'd be using that time wisely to tell you about my children or maybe my views on really really important things. Wrong-o. After learning about WhoTheTweet from EEJ, naturally I just took the time to have someone else tell me what I Tweet about.

But it WAS kind of cool. And look - gosh - THIS should teach me not to get political. The election seasons, and me home on maternity leave with a constant overload of CNN, and one free hand to text even while feeding the baby, still haunts me.

But who is Thomas? Thomas the Train? Thomas the little blue train?? Why pray tell would that show up in my top words? I do remember some Tweets last fall with a couple friends about, did you take your kid to see the Thomas live show? Oh yeah, what was that like? But I think even prefer 'weight' and 'Palin' to knowing that I spent that much time giving that little blue engine (aka marketing ploy that has probably $500 worth of merchandise in my very small child's room right now) more air time.

11 Things About Rachel as an 11 Month Old

2009-08-01T09:43:00.006-05:00

Just perusing months of backlog blog reading to inspire me to finally post again. So hard to restart after hiatus. Then I saw where my friend Cara posted this type of post for her 13 month old daughter. Okay, a focused angle. I can handle this!

1) She is awake for 60 minutes on the dot before she takes a hard core morning nap. (Except this morning of course, since I need her to be while I blog this.)

2) She is still eating some baby food for our convenience but mostly people food. Favorites include avocado, banana, any crackers or starchy thing like bits of wheat bread, yogurt and any type of meat (my little carnivore, for sure - Matthew wouldn't touch anything besides bits of chicken, maybe). We haven't tried milk. She gets formula in her bottle - and won't do the sippy (unless by "do" you mean bang it around and throw to the floor, that she'll do.)

3) Her favorite thing in the world is the cat. Hands down, bar none, I've never seen a child react like this to an animal. She squeals, grabs the fur, but also rolls her face on her, makes this sort of humming noise of happiness, and then rears up on her knees, puts her arms up in the air roller coaster style, SCREAMS, then flops on kitty full force. For more "love." And to answer the inevitable next question: yes, the cat actually tolerates it, for a while, before bolting, after which point, Rachel will try to dive off the bed, couch, wherever, after her, head first, no thought in the world about falling. She probably wouldn't care, either because ...

4) Rachel seems fearless - especially of us or any sort of disapproval or discipline. By that I mean of course the most basic stuff - Rachel, no no, do NOT go in that dog bowl. RACHEL NO! NOOOO! I have definitely turned up the intensity, more than I ever had to do for Matthew, and it still does NOTHING. The girl turns, grins, maybe even laugh in our face, and double down on whatever naughty/dangerous thing she was doing. She is absolutely our wild child. As she played with the fireplace gates the other day, and Mike is pulling her away repeatedly, I heard him say "Why are you so attracted to things that are bad for you?" and had a foreshadowing of conversations we'll probably be having in her 20's.

5) She is a happy, happy child who loves to laugh. I was speculating last night about whether she missed me on a short biz trip this week, or not. (I'd much prefer not - no ego on this, just want kids happy.) Mike shakes his head and smiles, "I don't think so ... Rachel always just has a good time, honey." As he's saying this she's laughing feeding spaghetti to the dog. Once again, I'm picturing my baby daughter as the someday life of the party in her college years and loving it.

6) She is now playing with that same little Fischer-Price musical "house" that "Santa" brought Matthew for his first Christmas. My first big gift to him that I was so excited to give him, and now watching her crawl back and forth through the door is just adorable, and ring the doorbell, and play with the clock. So many hours spent with her brother doing the same thing, it just warms my heart. She just gets such a kick out of you playing peek a boo through the door and windows, and it's just so cute when she ...

7) Giggles. This is by far the BEST part of having a little girl besides the clothes. Her sweet little girl giggles are different than Matthew and so special to me. She's my daughter, I think when I hear that little voice, that reminds me she's going from baby to little girl much quicker than I can imagine or would like.

8) Her hair is growing longer and sticking out in crazy directions above and below her ears. She's got that frumpy "why do they not FIX that?" look going but like many of you with little girls before me, I can't bear to cut it. We'll just see what happens and hope it grows quick. I still can't figure out barrettes (help needed).

9) Her night sleeping is awesome. Finally. A few months ago, there was a period of waking up 3, 4, 5, 6 (!) times a night for a paci. Not a big deal but layer in the regularly scheduled wakeups around here already for Matthew night terrors, dog whimpering, cat yowling or running, some animal puking ... etc. ... plus getting to bed around midnight for a while there when we were both really busy ... and I was zonked. But for a couple months now, she's goes down at 8 - 8:30, maybe 1 or 2 very quick paci-related wake-ups during the night, and goes until anywhere from 6:30 - 8:30 a.m. (depending on if we're up banging around or sleeping). Big side note: It usually takes her about 2-3 "rounds" of being put to bed to get her down. More often than not we hear crying at least twice within the hour of her going to bed, and take turns going in to find her standing at the end of the crib waiting for us. She doesn't need anything other than to be put back down with her paci, polka-dot blankey along her left side so she can hug it, and big fluffy blankey with the satin trim (that she likes to rub between her fingers) on top of her. We don't have to pick her up usually, but it's a high-maintence, multi-stage tuck in most nights.

10) She is cruising, climbing, practicing letting go and standing with her arms held straight up in the air "look at me!" style - but just for a second. But not walking or standing. People tell us, "Oh, she's just about to walk any minute" but Mommy has a feeling she might stick at this phase for a while. She is hard to predict. At 11 months old, she's totally physical, crawls fast as anything, and loves hitting anything like a bat or golf club to anything like a ball ... but when she doesn't feel like doing it - ala refusing to hold her own bottles STILL - she won't.

11) Her number one most favorite toy - besides the kitty, her brother, or us - is this squeaky old and deadly creepy dolly. That was mine. Something possessed my mom to go out of her way and MAIL this doll to us recently. I wasn't sure why she was so intent on it when Rachel has a zillion toys but maybe she knew something I didn't because Rachel loves this thing. Squeals at it, crawls toward it and even crawls around with it in her hand - pretty impressive coordination, actually. It's the one sure fire thing we can bring when we're out and about to keep her entertained, and for that reason I'm terrified of losing it. It's become the one thing that brings a smile and a screech every time.

Well, that was harder than I thought to contain to 11. Looking forward to 12 more next month ... though NOT to my sweet angel turning one, already.

Happy 11 months, my baby girl!

Sent from Mike's AT&T Samsung i907 Windows Mobile® Smartphone.

2009-06-17T16:28:00.002-05:00

This summer I will run a series of posts capturing the funny things my husband sees and emails me about all day long ... hence the title of this post.

I am expecting my AT&T royalties to kick in immediately.

Today:
Matthew, what would you like to eat?
I would like that stuff with the fruit that I just loved yesterday (this morning)

That he "just loved"? Is Matthew now an 85 year old woman at a bake sale? Who talks like this?

When Mom Goes out of Town ...

2009-06-15T14:34:00.001-05:00

Baby gets a shiner!

Editor's Note: This blog title courteousy of Erin who shared this photo/fact with me. My husband conveniently forgot. In his defense, the same thing happened in my care last weekend when HE was out of town. Unexplained bruise on her forehead. Guess the ravages of crawling have begun to take effect on my poor baby girl!

Progress as Promised: THE MULDROWS DECORATE

2009-06-08T20:38:00.016-05:00

Many of you dear readers have been to our house. And our horribly decorated front rooms - living and dining. For a year I have felt the need to apologize to visitors who open the front door to a view along these lines.

When I bought the house, I thought it had these pale dirty-cream looking walls that we'd need to paint over, when we could. But oh wait - upon closer inspection after moving in, the situation escalated immediately when we realized, they are not dirty or cream. But LIGHT GOLD SPONGED PAINTED. Honest to God it must have been so much work for the prior owners* they covered every inch. Boy do I wish I had a close up for posterity.

*Prior owners of course defined here as, totally crazy people . Can you imagine purposefully sponge painting six big walls a disgusting putrid yellow. And, I mean, many of you have seen the office. How did they even GET HOLD OF bald eagle themed wall border? Where? On what star spangled black market do they even make it?

Anyway, after a full year, I was also tired of cringing as guests viewed the way our hand me down glass dining room set, which matched our old place, sort of, matched absolutely nothing here. Especially when placed so elegantly beneath our carnival style haunted house/Elton John stage set, candelabra.

Not pictured: My Grama's wooden rocking chair where was forced to be used as actual guest seating for the past year.

Well now, dear readers, let me present ... our new look!

We randomly decided to do paint over Memorial Day. It was either that or divorce each other; reason cited would be "inability to decide on ANYTHING." So we just pulled the trigger, dropped some dough on paint at Lowe's, let the kids watch ridiculous amounts of TV and just did it.

Mike stayed up really late one night to finish a lot up by himself (a round of golf quid pro quo was involved, don't worry). But he didn't mind. He'd been pushing me to do this. See how happy he looks?

We painted our long wall from the living room to the dining room an olive green.
The rest of the walls in both rooms are "Oatbran." OwWW, walkin' on the design wild side, I know. But just my ability to show you the following photo took a took a year of debate and many, many trees killed in paint chips.

In fact, you might say, hmm, aren't these the colors you had picked out when i visited you (earlier this year? At Christmas? Last summer before Rachel was born?) Yes, right you are. But the exact oat-y and olive-y decisions took a long time to feel good about. And which walls to do what, my God, I think I burst some brain cells.

Anyway, we also replaced the light fixture (I swear, it felt like a stage prop from the Muppet show) and also bought a new dining room table. THAT search was a mini-saga, so I'll just say, thank you, Weekends Only. After enough trips, you finally did us right.

Also we bought what I affectionately refer to as our Grama chair...technically matches, was a steal, super comfy ... but, tis just a little fugly, if you ask me. Mikey loves it though. And as you can see, thank GOD the cat who pees on all of our belongings likes it.

Also, after fruitless months searching for a second chair, we ended up sacrificing the orange leather one from the office. That went from front, to office, but not it's in a differnt spot in the front so NOW, by God, we've got this mess sorted.

But seriously, I just love finding a new use for old stuff instead of buying new. The chair's now perfectly setup as the comfy reading chair, complete with reading light. In two weeks I've sat in it more than I did in four months in that other room, even though it looked real cute and den-y in there.

So, what do you think, interweb friends?

Do we look like we finally live here? Cuz it does finally feel like our home.

Take My Advice

2009-06-07T20:36:00.005-05:00

Tonight's child hygiene snafu was enough to shake me out of my non-blogging funk.

Take my advice: when What to Expect the First Year suggests rubbing mineral oil or petroleum jelly into baby's hair to remove her yellow, scaly cradle cap ... either live with the scales, or take the time to drive 2 minutes to Walgreen's and buy the mineral oil.

Do NOT use decide to use petroleum jelly just because that's what you have on hand. DON'T.

After 5 or 6 hair washings with regular baby shampoo, and 3 with a paste of baking soda mixed with baby shampoo (per interweb advice) she is only about 5% less greasy. Which still makes her as sticky and greasy as (fill in the blank - oil slick, 1950's teenage gangster's hairdo, VERY FULL POT OF VASELINE).

Should have snapped a photo but I was too traumatized working to quickly remove as much as a could, with household supplies we had on hand, given it was already running up on past bedtime by this point and I didn't have many options.

Verdict: on balance, interweb advice recommends cornstarch (and as I don't cook, I presently own none), followed by combinations of many non-baby friendly things like HOT water rinses, dish soap and multiple multiple shampoos.

They also say some will just absorb into a healthy scalp. Let's hope her scalp is SUPER healthy and starts to absorbin' quickly because I just feel terrible about putting her to bed like that tonight ... basically, dirtier than she's ever been going INTO a bath!

Mike accused me of "freaking out" but really, ladies, isn't our little girls' sweet smelling, soft hair out of the bath one of the highlights of mothering them? It is for me. I get a huge kick out of brushing it and I bury my head in her little fringe at her neck when I'm putting her to sleep.

Tonight it was like snuggling up with heavily glazed ham. And she looked ridiculous - it was all slicked down and awful. I was thinking, oh crap, Mike's not gonna want to try and clean it tomorrow until I get home, but he cannot take her to the grocery store looking like this!

Thankfully she's blissfully unaware of how yucky she looks. Before bed she was happy as ever, just grinning away under her balding old man's combover hairdo.

UPDATE: This morning, she woke up less greasy, though certainly not all shiny and fresh haired. I've downgraded her from glazed ham to day old porkchop.

Rachel's 8 Month, Mommy Fueled Photo Shoot

2009-05-16T08:19:00.003-05:00

She's loving her tummy now because she can finally hold herself up for a long time, plus wiggle and scoot to her desired destination, eventually.

Rachel's signature move from this stage of her babyhood is the head tilt. She literally loves looking at life from all angles. Sometimes with a face so very serious (her other signature) and sometimes, so giggly and happy.

Our darling girl

One Year Olds We Love, Part 1

2009-05-16T07:27:00.004-05:00

Given the population explosion that happened in my circle about this time last year - with four darling children born in the month of May - I'm thinking this will be a series.

But we'll start with their senior partner ... Baby Shane. Only the most smiley, charming, handsome baby boy you'll ever meet.

He's always laughing, except lately, when he's yelling for Mom - his number one most awesome and favorite person ever in the world EVER - for better or worse. I'm quite certain many of my readership can relate to that mix of being overwhelmed by their need ... and by the amazing feeling of one little person loving you so much.

What I love about Shane: He likes cuddling and rocking and passes out as he's having his nighttime baba. A true mom's baby. I love cuddlers and don't have one right now. Rachel's kinda hands off at night night time. Sometime I just want to rent Shane out about 7 p.m. when he's sleepy.

What I also love: even though I haven't spent as much one on one time with him as I did with Bridget - the curse of the Seconds - he gives the best greeting and wiggles around and will come to me almost every time.

So endearing and more a sign of what I bet will be a lifelong sunny personality than any special love for me. Even though, I certainly have a very special love for him ... our second little man of the gang ... and as Matthew's Grama would say, a VERY handsome devil.

Happy birthday, Baby Shane. I agree with your mom that you WILL still be Baby Shane when you're 24.

Absolute Love and Joy ...

2009-05-13T21:07:00.003-05:00

... Is when you hear your little 3 year old little son sing "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" in the most sweet, earnest voice, with eyebrows wiggling around expressively, working so hard to remember the words, while you sit with him eating dinner, sharing a slice of pizza, and feeding your baby daughter who's giggling and kicking around, watching him. And he's telling you, "Now your turn, Mom" and then "Now, it's MY turn, let's SING it toGEDer, Mo-oooom."

I should have gotten the video camera. Someday, I will give my right arm to hear that little boy voice again, I will wish I could see just 10 seconds of him singing. But honestly, I was too caught up with the moment ... and how truly good life with kids can be sometimes.

Matthew's Had Milestones, Too

2009-05-10T22:55:00.000-05:00

And this about sums it up. TWO Lightning McQueen third birthday parties. Two LM cakes. One LM hat. Several LM action toys. And one billion times a day to talk about LM and said items, leading up to and since then.

Just kidding. There's a LOT more about my little buddy's third birthday that I want to say, and plan to. But I thought a photo of the most handsome three year old on the planet might hold ya over for now.

Staged Sibling Love from Easter at Grama's

2009-05-10T07:40:00.002-05:00

Still doesn't make it any less heartmelting, does it?

Milestones I Can't Not Blog

2009-05-09T06:50:00.011-05:00

I'll skip the preamble (so awkward trying to catch up on missed history with old friends, and same with blogs, isn't it?) and get straight to the good stuff:

Rachel baby update ...

Said her first word, 'Dada' on Friday May 1. Guess she wasn't content to let baby Shane have the spotlight with his own first birthday all to himself (that's my girl).

Mike swears she said it reaching up and then looking at him. I find she says it to me, Matthew, her feet, the wall next to her changing table, and really any passing object. But damn, I'll be glad to hear her mislabeling objects as Mama soon!

Think Matthew was the same way with the Dada first. Now before I go all working mommy guilt on you and think, ohhh, he's home more that's why ... my very own baby book and my little brother's, which were written by my mom who stayed at home at the time, noted her irritation at us ungrateful babies not only SAYING Dada first, but preferring him over her for a period of time as late stage babies. So Dads, if you got it, you got it.

Rachel is also on the verge of crawling. And I'm having that same "What am I thinking?" reaction every time I sit and watch and encourage and put my arm out for her to push off of/coaching move. Several babies I know just hit the crawler phase and guess what - I KNOW it sucks, made life X variable times harder, and that the gating / security system I will have to put up will know no bounds. Also, Libby may just conveniently stop remembering the way to our house. I know she's terrified, too.

Rachel is definitely a more curious kid than Matthew. She's a grabber and a taster. She watches. She's been scooting backward at a good clip for a couple weeks now, and she will back up around completely around the perimeter of the kitchen just to get one teeny tiny leaf the dogs dragged in that I didn't even see til it's in her little spitty chubby pincher and then mouth.

She just gives off a different vibe. Matthew didn't play with cords or go for light sockets. He was into his books and toys from the beginning. I will not state in print the amount of child proofing that I never did with Matthew ... he just, didn't explore.

But Rachel - she will be a nutcase. And I think I love it! It's that first sense I'm getting of her, her personality, that crazy little side of her I always knew for some reason would come out. I look at my knick knacks on the lower shelf of our front table (gone) and the bundles of cords (tied up) and the gate above our basement stairs that is presently more in name only than something that would keep a baby from going down the stairs because it's got a huge gap underneath (will be adding a second one at the step above it) and the office supplies I just neatly organized into baskets on LOW shelves all over our office (oh HA HA HA those are all gonna need to be empty and probably bolted to the walls).

I can just tell she's gonna be a monkey, a climber - and a stinker. And for some reason - maybe cuz that's still conceptual versus a reality yet (that will ruin my free time and oh, you know, occasionally risk her safety) I just get a kick out of it.

And Here I Thought Grama Was a Responsible Babysittier

2009-04-14T21:50:00.000-05:00

Clearly she's confused my baby with the mountains of dirty laundry she must have found around my house the week she watched the kids.

This was a sweet surprise I just found on the computer. I must have been mid Caribbean isle the day these two best buddies - Grama Claudia and Rachel - snapped this. At the time, I would have traded places, I missed the kids so much.

But now, with Cranky Pants Muldrow Jr. waking up every 10 in other room - I'm thinking, I'll take the isle.

Well Let's Just See

2009-04-14T21:37:00.003-05:00

I'm doing piles of work, Mike's scrambling in the other room to do our taxes on April 14th, and Rachel went to bed without a bottle tonight after fighting us on it for over an house.

What kind of sleep do YOU think we're going to get tonight?

And you can't say "A big pile of #$%!" no fair, cheating, that's too easy!

Answers may be:
a) Some
b) Sketchy amounts
c) Minimal, irritating to coworkers in the morning amounts
d) Tired, killing rampage tomorrow amounts

Stay tuned tomorrow for the answer!

p.s. Rachel, my little overachiever, c'mon - go for the "A"!

p.s.s. You can easily do good billing reports while watching American Idol. And yes, I DO love you, Kutey Pie Kris!

Because I Still Have Children - Photos from the last month or so

2009-04-04T09:00:00.002-05:00

Rachel in her little black dress shirt from Grama Claudia.

Mike and Matthew at the first Spring Zoo visit.

The kids ready to tackle the Zoo.

Rachel sits up in her baths now like a big girl - and yep, she's almost always this happy and smiley these days except when she's sleeping or hungry (aka our lil piggy).

More to come ... unless I am lying and disappear for another 6 weeks, he.

YES IT'S REALLY ME and no I'm not ready to recap the last 6 weeks yet

2009-04-04T08:29:00.006-05:00

Hi friends! I simply couldn't let one more minute go by without posting and catching up on my friends' blogs. So there I go to Erin's to see what I missed about her family, and see her recap of our cruise vacation together last week. But then her post about Digital Moms got me intrigued, so per Erin's suggested I surfed over to Dooce.com to see what SHE had to say about Twittering and FB'ing moms. (I was of course just waiting for the big controversial oh, moms neglect their kids or oh, moms risk their kids privacy stuff ... and was waiting to see if I had a violent reaction to it, one way or another).

And then I did NOT read that article, but instead got sucked into one of Heather's (many) side advertisements, specifically, this video from the Momversations.com website. The topic? Family dinners.

Now I'm thinking: (a) what do I care about family dinners? (b) what does Miss Heather (who talks politics and depression and "deep stuff") Armstrong care about family dinners and (c) gee the digital mommy advertising revolution really has sort of, well, Madison-avenued out the best and most sincere of us. Momversations? Please.

But then I actually really enjoyed it. I learned of several new mommy bloggers that I might start following - seemingly smart and funny women I wouldn't have known about except for this dumb "ad." (Giyen and Mindy - anyone read 'em?)

I also mostly appreciated seeing how a seemingly commercialized Heather ... agreeing to do this sponsored link (yes I sat through the full 30 second opening of a Target pitch) looked completely uncomfortable and nervous being shot on video. It was sort of reassuring that even as marketers tap bloggers and leverage them for their own purposes, and moms vie to make some money from it (hey more power to ya), real people are still real people ... yes you can use me for it but I can't complete change who I am. Anyway, that's my deep interpretation of a 3 minute web video.

It als reminded me how much I've missed the interweb these last 6? 7? 8? weeks of intense work and lack of life balance. I am enjoying a beautiful sunny Spring Saturday morning view out my back window, drinking my coffee, posting my random and inconsequential thoughts, and catching up on those from my friends - and complete strangers, of course! - from the last month and a half. And just thinking ahhhh ... I'm home.

Next up: a real update on my life.

News Flashes I Have Deprived You Of Lately

2009-03-03T21:14:00.003-06:00

I am working a LOT.

Rachel learned to sit up last Monday night, 5 days before her 6 month birthday, and 1 day after we took photos in which sitting up would have been extremely helpful. Now here she is just one week later, moving from very wobbly to just moderately so. It's almost to the point where I could leave her sit and run out of the room without fear she's tip backward and brain herself. I could not be more damn proud.

Meanwhile, Matthew's maybe missing me a bit, either that or hitting terrible 3's early. He's on a terribly frustrating downward bedtime spiral, right at the time Rachel's fine-a-leeeee back to sleeping through the night and going to bed easily. Take 20 minutes to wrestle him in bed, and at least 45 minutes to keep him there. Last night I heard the last remants of him reciting his "Cars" book to himself in bed, well into the 10pm hour. Then we had a couple night time wake-ups involving yelling, tears and tucking back in at the 3am and 5am hours.

Send toddler drugging pills, please.

I am counting the minutes to vacation.
I am stressed.
But Mike is keeping the trains on the tracks at home, thank God.

That's all I got. Just ... wish me luck with returning to regularly scheduled posting/sleeping/breathing, soon.

New Leaf, Far Less Points

2009-02-22T11:33:00.004-06:00

Yesterday we bit the bullet and invested in a Wii and Wii Fit. This morning, I spent half hour stretching and doing yoga and yes, sadly, feeling my pulse rate rise from that limited movement.

So apparently Mr. Snotty Pants Wii was right ... maybe I AM the "Wii Age" of a 50 year old? AWESOME.

Since I'm now trying to "move more" I thought I also might get back to the "eating less" side of things. I started this around 7 weeks into my maternity leave ... tapping once again my old BFF - but also, new nemesis - Weight Watchers.

Old BFF, because I lost nearly 50 lbs following WW alone (didn't work out) the year after I had Matthew.

New nemesis, because my post-Rachel WW kick lasted several weeks, stopped since thin ... and never once in that time rivaled the discipline I showed the first time. I didn't even have that honeymoon period where you rigorously meeting your points for a couple weeks, before cheating starts.

I was pretty much over 10 - 20 points a day (got 33 a day total). So basically I was overeating daily and just, you know, tracking that fact for posterity.

So obviously when I got too busy and had 15 minutes to track my overeating or sit down or play with a child, I just stopped tracking all together. And it's showed ... I've put on probably 5 lbs since then and it's no secret why. We're busy, we cook frozen pizza, we take out on the way home from work. Yesterday it was Chipotle for lunch and Webster Wok for dinner. What am I expecting here??

So in honor of my gigantic Wii Fit investment - and the monthly deductions for WW online that STILL come off my credit card whether I'm getting thinner or fatter - I'm starting anew.

But I'm sure wishing I had those 33 points back...retaking the quiz today, and unchecking the "nursing mom" box dropped me down to 22 points.

So guess using well over half of that for a pancake breakfast this morning was not advisable, eh?

Send celery and fat-free Italian, quick!

FDA Approves Depressant Drug for the Annoyingly Cheerful

2009-02-19T23:08:00.002-06:00

Yes, it's true. At last, a cure all for those silly Suzy Sunshines of the world!

The ones you want to kick in the shins, spit in their lemonaid, and toss their car keys in the trash. All before you kinda, knock them over.

Harsh? No... just STOP being so CHIPPER, it's HORRENDOUS!
And now you can take your pill.

(Gee, can you tell it's been A Week?)

Just watch this video. SO worth the click through.

Brown Saturday

2009-02-07T11:01:00.003-06:00

I was going to title this Black Saturday to match my mood and the general way this day has gone so far. Wrong? Nothing really is wrong. Just too much to do for one weekend, constantly chipping away at a too long Life and Work to do list that seemingly has no end. (And the battle of the Muldrows vs. DMV to title the new car that we've owned since November is not going well).

It's just that feeling that even after a long week, at no point are we entitled to sit here relaxing (or doing this, oops :).

And the double entendre of my theme ... with the lovely St. Louis thaw comes lovely St. Louis mud. On dog paws, in and out of house, all day long. Eight paws times what, 5 trips today at least? Is 40 paw wipings.

Maybe I should put THAT on to do list and cross it off.

100 Posts

2009-02-04T23:26:00.005-06:00

The other day I posted my 100th post on this blog. So I feel the time is right for a look back...because I am in love with what started out as my lil baby blog.

It's taken me through finding out I was pregnant, finding out I sadly was no longer pregnant, finding out I was pregnant again, finding out I was pregnant FOR REAL, celebrating my son's 2nd birthday, celebrating my son doing so many amazing things since then, moving my house, moving my baby (remember all the breech baby posts? Rachel you were a good egg after all), having my baby (literally - don't I get a some sort of BlogHer honorable mention for the live feed from the hospital?), maternity leave (BlogHer would deduct points here, I kinda fell off the map), surviving maternity leave, mourning the end of maternity leave, returning to work, enjoying returning to work, and juggling returning to work with all the stuff above.

I neglect it, and I always want to be doing more with it. But I love this thing and love the people - I'm gonna shout out to Cara and Erin here - who inspired me to start.

I finally have a hobby besides one that originally stemmed off one of my husband's interests (aka Fantasy Football, golf, volleyball...)

I connect with so many smart and FUNNY ass women. I learn that we're all flawed and so when I lose it, guess what, MommyWantsWhiskey or whoever else I'm reading, lost it today, too.

And I guess in learning that we're all flawed, I find out really, we'll all just fine. Just all getting through this parenthood stuff in the way that seems best to us (and our spouse) at the time, at that moment.

Even if later on you realize it IS a mistake to give your kid Fruit Loops at 8pm as a bribe for getting on the couch to read books. And he's up until 10pm as a result from the sugar rush ... well, later, you can blog about it ... learn someone else did it too ... or worse! And that everything's gonna be okay once you just get the post out.

Granted I know sometimes the husbands might claim that we're all spending too much time in the cyber world. But I disagree. Women need connections. They need the network. Check out this recent study on how women handle stress differently than men. For us, it's about friendships and connections - it's about this.

Might be hooey, but sure rings true for me. So even though I don't always have time for the blogosphere, I'll keep making it. Even at 11:46 p.m.

Night, ladies.

Jury's In

2009-02-02T22:23:00.003-06:00

Okay, survey says, we all love FaceBook like a sis.

And I'll admit, even though I'm in the "when I have time camp" that's a lie because oh, how I DO love her like a blood relation. Crackbook, indeed.

BUT ... I should have asked how we feel about the 25 Things About Me tagging thing. Because personally, I am getting all quirky stuff about me'd out ... it's spread like bubonic plague out there the last few days alone, don't you think?

Am I just being a sour puss resistor?

p.s. I quadruple check the alarm clock each night, I've had a callous on my writing finger since grade school cuz I hold the pen wrong, and I had cataract surgery two times as a kid. There's THREE MORE, SUCKERS.

Secret in My Pocket

2009-01-30T13:38:00.006-06:00

Despite the well balanced work/life balance I've got going on in my new blog header, I am missing my baby girl a little this week.

I barely saw her Thursday and not much the nights prior. Last weekend was busy, for whatever reason, so it was more about hustling than cuddling.

Also, she's fighting a bad case of "sniffles" this week. But those "sniffles" are keeping her up, making her grouchy, uncomfortable, and all around, a needy little soul. A little soul I've not been able to attend to as much as I'd want. Or take to the doc myself or ... sigh.

I haven't complained much about this topic yet, right? So I'm entitled, a little?

Am planning to to make up for lost time this weekend. But given my state of mind ... I know you'll agree it's not weird at ALL that I've taken to secretly carrying her pacifer around in my coat pocket.

When It Snows in St. Louis

2009-01-29T22:59:00.000-06:00

Yeah, I know you STLers probably all saw this already on the news. But maybe you out of staters need to appreciate the sports fever we still have in this town even in the dead of winter. Well, people other than me, of course. I hate baseball ... :)

Give It Up for the Left Brainers

2009-01-29T22:43:00.003-06:00

Can I get a whoop whoop for my pal Erin who redesigned my entire web site for me? Just because she CAN and is GOOD and ENJOYS it?

I'm sure I would enjoy it too, if I had the faintest idea how to use PhotoShop. Or pick a matching color palette. Or, you know, just have a creative vision of any sort.

Okay, I'm not THAT bad. And, I have learned over the years to appreciate that "creativity" in my field (communications) means more than just the visual side of the work. For instance, I can creatively manipulate a too-short-to-complete-the-project timeline into something workable. I can creatively figure out how to tap the right people, at the right times, at the right order, to get the job done. I can turn not much meaty content, into a snazzy newsletter or intranet article.

I can even IDENTIFY good creative when I see it, or know how to edit something bad into good. (I know, probably your worst nightmare right? A non-creative who "likes to edit.")

But editing is just SO different than looking at a blank page and having that vision, and also the courage, to pick up the pen, mouse or what have you to make something happen, out of nothing.

I've gotten to work with some really creative people in the last year ... people at work that just, can see, what they want something to be like. And I've got Erin and some other friends that have their own businesses based graphic design - web, print, clothing and gifts. (Small plug: see bottom right nav for some of said ladies' really awesome web stores.)

And I gotta admit, I'm a little jealous.

Because you can learn to write, you can learn to project manage, you can learn to pitch and proofread and prepare budgets. But you can't learn to be a left brainer.

(CAN you, Mr. President?)

And we love ya for it!

Growing Pains, Take Two

2009-01-18T11:27:00.025-06:00

I'm pulling out all of Rachel's old newborn and 0 to 3 month clothes to give to a friend's new baby. My BFF's little brother just had a new baby girl.

Her momma just had her at midnight last night. I'm not usually so on top of favors like this - everything's bagged up and sorted by size in the front room. But it's just that I have SO many tiny perfect and barely worn little things. Outfits and p.j.'s that only a brand new baby can fit, I want to hand them over right away.

New Mom and Dad will probably think I'm nuts when I try to stalk them down IN the hospital to hand them over. After all, this is a "friend of a friend" type relationship.

But I know what they don't: that Baby Gap newborn clothes are a gift from above for tiny (she's 6 lb 5 oz just like my Matthew was) little babies. And that she will look more precious than they could have ever dreamed in the teeny little pink polka dotted onesie and pants, a hot pink romper, or an angel soft pink striped sweet pea gown.

And that she may only fit them for about 2 or 3 weeks before they find themselves fruitlessly stuffing her into them, hoping she'll still fit, but then sadly realizing she's already graduated into the 0 to 3's. That's when they'll realize that even though she's still tiny, and right there with them, she's already growing up and away.

Yes, I know this is mushy with a capital M but ... who of you parents HASN'T felt that pang of sadness when the clothes don't fit. When they want to hold their own bottle. When they crawl away for the first time. Even though I know better, I look at Rachel all the time and think: Stop. Slow down, baby. Just stay the way you are a little longer.

With Matthew, I couldn't wait for him to do new things and prove to me he was healthy and track. But I was also sad to leave the last stage. What I didn't realize for a long time is that cliche is true: the best age really is whatever age your kids are at right now ... and that it really does just keep getting better.

So with Rachel, I'm much more aware of what fun lies ahead. That only as she grows up do I truly get to know and love her fully. But it's still confusing because since she might be my last experience with a baby, I want her to slow it down. And, she's my baby girl. (I don't know why, but that makes me want her stay tiny even more. Can it really be as simple as the tiny dresses and shoes???)

Also with Rachel, I find myself hurrying her in some ways (she plays independently a lot on the floor) but holding her back in others (starting her on rice cereal later than my son). Mainly I am just hyper aware that every day, for better or worse, she's one step further away from being that brand new person I met five months ago. That literal bundle of joy I couldn't believe I was finally holding after 10 long months.

And one step closer to being that sturdy, funny, lovable but oh so mobile and independant toddler that is my second child.

So in honor of new baby girls - and growing babies everywhere - here's how far my own little lady has come:

At two days old, getting her first photos. See how little she was next to daddy's finger? Aug. 29, 2008

Later that day, going for her first car ride home, to see her house for the first time ... you get the idea.

Fast forward four and a half months ... eating rice cereal for the first time. Jan. 17, 2009

Rachel, in less than half a year you've learned to hold your head up and get up on your elbows. Coo then smile then laugh then scream with joy. Roll over (at least once!) Notice when your bottle's coming. Sleep during the night and play by yourself with your toys (at least for a little while!) during the day.

You're our sweet precious girl and I know Randy and Melissa's new baby will bring the same joy to them. Congratulations, Smith family!

Good Thing I'm a Little Lazy and Clueless

2009-01-13T13:19:00.003-06:00

Whenever my kiddos were sick, someone invariably tells me to rub Vick's VapoRub on their chest. They assume since I'm a mom that I have some.

I always play along because I want them to think I do. Because that would make me a proper mom. You know, with medical stuff stocked carefully and readily available in our medicine cabinets like neosporin, and cartoon band-aids, and wraps, and children's cold medicine.

But I'm always living I lie. I have hardly any of this stuff. Okay, I've got lots of crusty, crystallized infant Tylenol drops ... but those are probably 2 1/2 years old from Matthew!

I do also have the toddler cold medicine ... the stuff you aren't/are in moderation/AREN'T EVER (??!?!?!?!) supposed to give little kids. And any of it I DO have is never where I think it is so I always end up buying more, then finding the half empty old one the next day.

I think I have neosporin but you know what? I don't even know yet what cuts and scrapes quality for that. He's had a few, but I've never used it once. I DID finally get him Thomas-themed Band-Aids in his stocking. But arguably this is, of course, the LEAST necessary of any items I've mentioned ...

So I guess I don't really know the "mom rules" about first aid, even though that was one of my mom's best areas (okay, she's a nurse). I'm hoping this knowledge magically kicks in at some point, because I know when I was seven, my mom knew EVERYTHING about making me better.

Anyway, apparently like many things in life ... procrastinate long enough and it's no longer a problem. Because - just like it's cherry-flavored toddler cold medicine cousin before it - Vick's is now out.

Tag Nag

2009-01-09T23:37:00.007-06:00

Ok. OKAY. Not only am I gonna play the Facebook tag game. But the one zillionith mention of FB has just made me setup my damn profile. Happy? There goes the remaining tiny amount of sleep I was getting!

And, here goes my "25 fascinating things about me" list - sleep deprived style...

1) I was born in New Zealand, and had dual citizenship until I was 18. Yet I have only seen those N.Z. family members three times (Grama) once (uncle) and nonce (uncle, Grampa who passed away). It never seemed weird growing up.

2) I was a national merit scholar, I had a good GPA, I was a good test taker ... and I'm still childishly proud of all that.

3) I'd bite my nails any time - in public, business meetings, probably a job interview.

4) I rarely lie, I've never shoplifted and I don't cheat. I am a girl scout.

5) I have the biggest feet of any girl I know - 10's (probably more if I let 'em). Also I've never owned boots, ever, because of a lil thing I call cankles.

6) I get jealous of friendships easily, but I'm not competitive with my girlfriends in other areas of life because I think someone else being strong does not make me weak.

8) My parents told me once I should be a stand up comic and while I laughed, I secretly believed that was my calling.

9) Having my son shook my whole life to the core where I feel embarrassed that I had so much trouble returning to work compared to other moms I know.

10) I loved Laura Ingalls books to death and reread them for years. I had very serious feelings for the TV "Almanzo."

11) I second guess my decisions constantly.

12) I realize exactly how loud I talk yet most times I just forget (too bad for you, Lisa W, with the whole shared wall and all).

13) Sometimes when I appear unsympathetic, it's really because I'm so upset or emotional about what you're telling me that I don't know what to do for you so I turn kind of, well, off.

14) My husband has a nickname for me that is too embarrassing to tell anyone much less post here...yet I know he genuinely thinks of it as a term of endearment.

15) I love biscuits and gravy like, crazy love.

16) I question liberalism, but could not ever be a conservative.

17) I've been to Rio de Janeiro and while cool, eh, I'd rather do a Destin condo with beer, cooler, babies and friends.

18) I am not certain yet or not if I'm doing now what I'll do for the rest of my career - but for the first time I like my job and that feels like a miracle.

19) I can do a decent impersonation of a lot of people. Maybe YOU.

20) Running a half marathon and getting my MBA are two goals for my 40s.

21) I am closer to my friends than most of my family and yes, that bothers me sometimes.

22) I have an awful throw up reflex. If I do it once, forget it - it'll be 20 times until I'm about dead. New Year's was ... unpleasant.

23) I boss my husband around in public, but his opinion carries the most weight on many many decisions around our house.

24) I draw well - give me a B&W photo of your kid, I'll draw him up good.

25) I am apparently not self aware because I'm having a VERY hard time with this list.

Out of the Mouths of ...

2009-01-09T09:52:00.004-06:00

I don't think I share enough with you all how damn funny my kid is lately.

Me (changing his diaper): Okay, we're going to do this and then read books and go night night.

Him: You have GOT to be kidding me.

Me: Um, what?

Him: You ARE kidding me!

Me: (laughing at this new expression that I'd never heard before and wondering where it came from...)

Him (appreciating me laughing): NO PROBLEM! NOOOOO problem.

Me: (lauging even harder because, is he just tossing our terms now?)

Him: (catching on to what's making me laugh): Oh, it's not a BIG deal...

Me: (OMG laughing ... he IS just rolodexing through catchphrases he hears us say)

Him: Mom, it IS a big deal! It IS.

Me: (Yep, and that certainly sounds like one of mine ...)

So, I don't if this translates a funny, but just picture a Yakov Smirnov type character trying out American phrases randomly and inappropriately.

Now picture that coming out of my sweet chubby faced 2 year old, grinning with glee at making tears come out of his momma's eyes.

At this age they so often say stuff, that is just ... so damn funny ... you can't help wanting to share. But then I get busy. About 10 times a day, I wish for a new mobile device that could translate the words from his mouth, to Twitter or blog. Now THAT's a mobile device I REALLY need.

So, Blackberry and iPhone techno geeks ... you want the mommy bloggers to buy? Consider the "instant toddler translator" app.

Hump Day Indeed

2009-01-07T13:35:00.002-06:00

You know when you're having a super busy week and you don't know if you're wishing it away (weekend) or to drag out (deadlines)?

That is my day, week, hour. Wish me luck surviving Hump Day and beyond. And wish me many cocktails on Friday night.

Day 2

2009-01-05T23:06:00.006-06:00

I'm posting two days in a row. Hooray!

I have eaten appropriate quantities of non-grease laden, candy-coated, chocolate-drizzled foods for two days in a row. (Tip: I'm dieting fo' real like one billion other people this time of year.) Yippee!!

I also have not pumped for two days now and WHOOOOPPPPPEEE that's the big one. It freed up at least an hour if not more of my day today, between the before work and during work ones I skipped.

Instead I used that time to catch up with co workers about holidays, and grab a coffee. SO productive, right? But it's those 45 minute snatches that stole my limited amount of "me" time.

And, when I don't apply that 45 minutes to a lunch or break at work (and most times I don't) I could sort of transfer it to the night times ... and most of that I used for blogging. Which I've missed.

And not just posting. Though I'm behind - my God, I'm behind and you people are probably just lost aren't you? I know. But seriously, I've missed the reading and commenting. I'm completely behind on the lives of the friends - and total strangers - that I follow online, and I miss it.

So the pump's down, the laptop's up, and I'm sure my viewing public is grateful. Right?

(By the way, I assure you the posts will become increasingly less about my boobs or what comes out of them. Another fringe benefit for you, my dear readers.)

A Fresh Start

2009-01-04T22:21:00.003-06:00

It's obviously been far too long since I've blogged. I'll have to catch up on Christmas, Thanksgiving ... just about all the good stuff of the last couple months ... as I can. But in the name of the new year and making a fresh start, I wanted to just get back on the horse and post.

And thought this was a good a topic as any: I'm going to stop breastfeeding Rachel, probably tomorrow.

I've been able to feed her myself once, maybe twice, a day since I returned to work. I've been able to pump once or twice a day at work and maybe another time at home. The result is I've kept her on about at least 50/50 formula/breast milk combo or better the last 4 months.

It's been nice for my sanity returning to work. I never found it missing with Matthew, but it has helped me feel a close tie to her even after returning to work. It's also been helpful for weight loss (until the holidays hit, that is. But lactation can only do so much against 1,000 Christmas colored M&Ms.) AND it's saved us money. Yesterday at Sam's, Mike was like, "Hey, didn't we spend more on formula for Matthew?" And I'm like, "Uh, gee, yes, because I wasn't killing myself squeezing my boobs at work once or twice a day at work for a 'break' while my coworkers are at Starbucks." (Postscript: We left the store with giant vat of the Sam's brand, at 40% less than brand name. The doc and a couple good friends gave it the green light, so why would I pay more?)

But honestly, I'm not complaining about the pumping ... it's just, my body is. Basically, my boobs are telling me we're done. My pumping schedule's never been stellar since I was never fully committed to a certain length of time. Six months for at least some nursing was a loose goal, nothing more. Then over the holidays, surprisingly when I technically HAD more time (off work for two weeks) life and family and kid care taking and well, just relaxing, got in the way, pumping and nursing sloughed off, formula ramped up ... and here we are, with me not even making enough for a full feeding for her anymore.

Yep, it DOES feel sad. I mean, this morning took 45 minutes (because she's getting more alert, and plays around) and after all that we STILL had to feed her a small formula bottle because the poor thing was screaming when she should be sleeping, and then we realized she was still really hungry.

So I know it's time. And it'll make my life a bit easier, I know. But tonight as I washed some of my pump bottles for maybe the last time, and pulled the empty milk storage container out of the freezer, I wondered, do I do this one last time tomorrow? Or was this morning's rather unceremonious last time, it?

I'm not sure, but like everything else with this breastfeeding odyssey, and me, and Rachel, we'll just play it by ear, and see how we feel, tomorrow.

Beware the 100 lb Baby

2008-12-02T12:00:00.003-06:00

Last night I fed Rachel around 8:45. I knew it probably wasn't enough, since I'd pumped just a bit earlier - I'm still working out how to synch up feeding/pumping schedules, obviously.

Anyway, I of all people know a girl doesn't like to be hungry, so I bottle fed her another 3 oz. of breast milk. There, that oughtta be enough.

Two hours later, she wasn't sleeping well and my husband (his turn on bedtime duty) was losing his you-know-what. So I sleepily mumbled, "You could always feed her a little more ..." and rolled over.

A bit later, he came to bed, quite proud of himself I asked what he did and he said, "I gave her another 4 oz of formula, THAT oughta do it."

So, my 14 week old baby drank, oh, I'd say, 8 or 9 oz last night.

I suspect she'll be ready for Weight Watchers by the time I get home tonight ... as Daddy has off school and is caring for her today.

And It's On: GoooooOOO CHRISTMAS!

2008-12-02T08:57:00.004-06:00

I cannot believe it's December 2. Mainly, this is because I now have license to full on finish my shopping, as well as to decorate my house in the red and green and silver and pine obnoxiousness that I have been envisioning since we moved in.

You see, this year, we have a fireplace. I now have matching stockings for our family (VERY critical) and I get to buy those cute silver thingees that sit on the mantel to hang the stockings from. (A nickel to anyone who knows their official name?) I see a festive trip to the Target Christmas crap aisle in my future.

I also now feel fully licensed to indulge my impulse to rush out and buy a tree this week. And to begin "gently urging" my husband to put up lights. (I actually got butterflies in my stomach last night contemplating this: we get to develop a NEW lighting scheme. What we did on Suffolk was always kinda, eh.)

Anyway, I'm thinking this isn't too early because I've seen trees through windows, lights on houses, wreaths on porches, all around my neighborhood and on our drive home from Warrensburg from Thanksgiving. Even though my husband thinks me, and they, are all nuts. I suspect his preference would be stringing lights up around the 22nd and having Santa help take them down on the 25th.

In addition, although I have about half my shopping done, this reminds me, GAH, I have about half left. Which seemed so manageable until I now factor in work getting busier the next couple weeks, including a 3 day biz trip (sigh: guess that stupid wood knocking doesn't work after all). And that my LeBaige family Christmas will be early on the 20th.

We may be in a recession, but my Capital One card will not know that as I work its little butt off next few weeks.

True Spirit of the Holidays: Online Shopping

2008-11-27T11:28:00.002-06:00

I just placed an online PB Kids order I've contemplated for weeks. One item was a slam dunk - needed a fourth matching stocking for baby Rachel. We bought three for us and Matthew last year and I did it because I knew the collection would continue to be around. Rachel and I are both two kinds of whimsical reindeers, to Daddy's skiing Santa and Matthew's train. Clearly fuzzy mammals win out as the cutest (stick with me, baby girl).

After much debate, I also ponied up for the cute monogrammed, coordinating duffle bags. I realize it might be "not necessary" given I could find perfectly functional and probably even cute ones at say, Target. But they wouldn't be as nice quality most likely and they also certainly wouldn't have their cute little names stitched on them. God knows if you put an R or M on anything these days, I'll buy it.

As luck has it one was like 50% off and so that balanced out the other one being a bit pricey and so I feel I've done my job as a cost conscious consumer (and made husband a tad less Christmas crazy).

I realize that "spending money on children's non-mandatory holiday stuff" order shouldn't qualify as holiday spirit. But dammit if I don't feel festive (and happy I can cross one thing off my ever expanding To Do list).

Happy Turkey Day, all!

Buy Their Stock Now

2008-11-25T09:11:00.003-06:00

What is going on with me and my coworkers and Starbucks? Since I went on maternity leave it's become MANDATORY that someone's going on a morning and an afternoon run.

Not only is this expensive, but it takes time away from doing your actual work, so you can finish and leave at night. But yet, we go. We all go.

What sort of liquid crack are they putting in there? I mean, the festive red holiday cups are cute and the coffee tastes good but that cannot be the end of it.

Some ambitious young crack (no pun intended) reporter needs to get inside their operation stat and figure out how they're suckering us all in (God love ya Starbucks, but you're killing my checking account) before I spend another $4.04 on hot water and beans!

Manic Monday? Not Really

2008-11-24T13:17:00.005-06:00

I was initially scared about Big Monday (aka the first one since I started back). But, today was terrific. With Libby our sitter coming to our house on Mondays, it was positively luxurious getting up at 6:10, having breakfast/coffee, feeding Rachel, pumping, AND having time for getting dressed/showered/packed, and still get to work on time.

Notice what's missing: flinging everything together for their day, then flinging kids at Libby and her car to go to the other kids' house.

We are lucky, I know. But it's probably good I have to do it 2-3 days a week the other way, to keep me on my toes.

MY Girl

2008-11-23T21:37:00.007-06:00

I realize I'm a posting nightmare with the no posting for weeks, then the massive post, then a series of random photos.

But I can't help myself. LOOK at this girl from a couple weeks ago.

(Look past the baby acne, that is.)

First, she's darling to me in this photo.

Second, MOM, doesn't she look JUST LIKE ME as a baby?

Also damn cute in this fine Baby Sister shirt, available at a finer ZoeysAttic.com shopping cart near you.

BrrRRRRR!

2008-11-23T21:23:00.003-06:00

Remember Halloween, that holiday 4 weeks ago?

I do, because I've got skads of unposted photos. UNTIL NOW.

Meet the 30 lb. pride of Webster Groves, Stampy the Elephant 2.

From Halloween 2008

(Stampy 1 would be the stuffed one he sleeps with ... a gift from Aunt Lisa to Rachel ... that got intercepted along the way by our resident elephant lover.)

Working on the rest. We actually had darling ones of Matthew with BFF and ladybug Bridget, stay tuned...

Pretty in Pink and Brown

2008-11-23T21:18:00.000-06:00

One of my favorite outfits, probably not long for this world, er, I mean, girl.

Wish I had a smile, but, this is a very "Rachel look" from her. Kinda serious. Big eyes. Major jowls. Cutest little dark haired girl in the world, and I hope she knows it.

The Back to Work Post

2008-11-23T16:17:00.011-06:00

This post is way too long but I haven't posted in a while so I'm entitled. You're welcome to skim ...

I've been such a bad blogger, there's so much back log from Rachel, my leave, Halloween (oh God, Halloween alone!) But it's now late November, so I figure this is a good place to start fresh.

Wednesday was my first day back at work. It was hectic getting ready the day before. Instead of being relaxing kid time like maybe it should have been, I insisted on having everything lined up for the kids (and me) the night before like when you're a kid before school: my outfits, their outfits, their bags, stash of stuff to take to the other place where they're watched part of the week. Alarm clock set extra early. Every piece of plastic bottle paraphernalia washed scrubbed and ready to roll.

When Libby came for the kiddos in the morning, I suspect she thought me slightly, er, over prepared. But here's the thing: what I couldn't spend in physical time with my babies, I would now spend in overcompensating to make sure "everything was perfect" and prepared.

The actual separation was fine. Well, I mean, of course, you know ... a few tears were shed the day before actually, when I realized at certain moments, oh, this is my last time putting Rachel down to sleep for her morning nap on a Tuesday. Or when Matthew clung to me, mistakenly thinking this was the day I was leaving him, telling me, Mommy, I want mommy. Which he NEVER does ... like ever ... until that damn day. Of course.

So the actual morning, I did squeak out a few more tears after they'd left with Libby. I was pretty stereotypical actually, shooing my husband away, No no, I'm fine, but wanting to cry in private. Then picking up her soft little yellow burp cloth off the floor and holding it, Oh God, it smells like her ... and now she's gone, my baby's gone ... the one I haven't been apart from for more than 3 hours since she's been born ... she's gone.

Then I shook it off, remembered she was four miles away and I'd see her at 6!

OK. It wasn't quite that easy. It was a giant personal event. But ... My coworkers welcomed me back to warmly and kindly, I must admit I was touched, and that it helped. Also, I really did have this a-ha moment of, I will see these kids again tonight! They're mine, after work, mine again!

Granted, I'm a bit in the "just block it out and deal" category currently. But you know what? That's healthier than the "wallow in it constantly" approach after having Matthew. Which pretty much left me depressed, uncertain and, well, devastated about my choices.

How am I still his mom? How can even dream of doing this? I feel like I'm breaking the law leaving my baby.

In short ... felt very sad for a long time. And of course, guilty with a capital I AM HORRIBLE MOM.

But now, I'm having new thoughts. Such as, Matthew's a wonderful little boy and someday soon Rachel will be just as much of wonderful little girl.

I'm also thinking, when I leave them each day, they're cared for by others (sitter and Daddy) but when I come home that night, I am their Mom and always there for them and they will always know it and I will make DAMN sure of that.

I'm thinking, I'll wake them up and tuck them in every day (well, those I don't travel...which aren't too often...KNOCK ON GIANT PIECE OF HUGE HEAVY WOOD). I'll feed them and wash them and cuddle them and read to them and ... well, mom it up. Just less than I did on my leave.

But mostly, I'm thinking about how lucky I am to have childcare where I know they are safe and secure and loved all day long. (Really, Libby, this is what keeps me sane.)

The truth is, my first week back went perfectly. But I also know that's almost not reality, which is the grind of the coming weeks, of learning how to balance your basically all new life and demands. But now I know my key is to not think about what I'm missing or what's challenging ... just focus on systems at home and work that allow the most productive, successful use of my time.

And when I'm done, go home, turn it off, unwind with my kids and dinner and maybe a TV show or blog post. And let the dishes go unwashed and the errand go unrun. I simply must let stuff go ... it's so cliche for us ladies (no matter your work status) but I mean, the things I stress about? Really? It DOES NOT MATTER to Rachel's well being if her clothes are perfectly folded up in her drawers. Only that they're clean. And even then, well ...

Overall standby statement: I'm "okay" with this transition. I love my colleagues, I like earning money and providing what my kids need from that regard, and most days, I overall like my work. (Note: This may sound less than effusive, but in my book, unless I am creator, painter, designer, life savor (insert work passion here), work's work. That said, this by far the best job I've had, I'm not going anywhere, and I'm thankful for it.)

But the other truth is ... I'm pretty exhausted. The last five days, Mike and I averaged 4-5 hours of sleep a night; we've all developed colds; and I've fallen behind on all in boxes etc.

I'm not sure why. I certainly didn't have loads of sleep or free time on my leave. And it's not like it wasn't stressful with both kids at home; on many days, it felt way more challenging to me than my hardest work day.

But it was a different stress, all focused on us, our house, my kids. Now I'm back to juggling us with ... them. Other needs. Those outside our four walls. And it's tricky.

I'll get it down. But in this transition period ... if I'm a little cranky or raggedy looking or tired or frumpy or stinky or slow moving or ... go easy on me. Maybe I haven't quite showered today. Maybe my daughter looked extra adorable as I had to hand her off that morning. Or maybe I didn't have time to go get that Venti Starbucks that basically kept my blood pumping through my body this first week back.

The Latest "Life is Interesting ..." Post

2008-11-09T21:01:00.003-06:00

Right now my husband's trying to remove our bedroom door knob which is locked from the inside. The door knob we didn't even know could lock.

I realized it was locked when I went to get my shoes so I could go do our weekly grocery shopping, you know, at 9 p.m. on a Sunday.

This was after I prepared my list and went to put it in my purse ... and had to empty the kitter litter out of it.

Yes, my friends, life is good, lovely ... but so damn "interesting" with two kids and three pets, some days, some days ... well, 'nuff said.

This Too Can Be Yours

2008-10-22T16:14:00.001-05:00

The adorable organic onesie, not my newly smiley green girl.

Sleeping Beauty

2008-10-22T08:06:00.002-05:00

Monday night we enjoyed the singular experience that can drop young (yes I'm still labeling myself young) parents to their knees: Matthew didn't sleep all night.

He went to bed fine - which is saying something, it's a semi nightly power struggle. But then it was, "I have boogies." "Turn my music back on." And finally then just "WAHHHHHHH!!!"

Over an hour later, I asked Mike to come home from his "having a quick beer" night out. Because when one kid would get settled, the other needed her paci. When she was drifting off, Matthew suddenly MUST have me put his blanket back on. Momma wasn't able (or willing) to keep up alone.

So Mike hustled home, to which Matthew first said "You're home with Mommy now?" and we thought, ah yes, that was the problem. Now we're okay. Buttt...we weren't, he wasn't, and six hours later, we were both losing our sh^t.

I'm happy to report that its good I waited to post this, because I'm sitting on the other side of 11 hours of SLEEP - Matthew's - and about 7-8 hours of ours - from last night.

So what HAPPENED, Mommies? (Erin, I know Bridget had us guessing this same thing that night she didn't sleep ...) Was it the stuffy nose? Impending cold front? Or just his uncanny knowledge that Daddy had a night out planned, followed by Mommy's the next night (which was since cancelled given I really can't whoop it up on 1.7 hours of sleep)?

Or is this just LIFE WITH KIDS?
Wait, don't answer that.

Another Wonderful Pre-Halloween Weekend

2008-10-21T10:39:00.003-05:00

Who WOULDN'T love this time of year? Crisp weather, beautiful sights of orange pumpkins and leaves, and kiddos in their Halloween gear looking absolutely adorable. Oh, and the pain of Christmas shopping not quite yet upon us. Like this past Saturday...

Miss Rachel in her orange and black finest.

From 10-15-2008

Our dogs, Murphy and Bogey, enjoying the cooler temps with my parent's dog Honey, who were visiting our house before our trip to the pumpkin patch, round 2.

From 10-15-2008

At Rombach's, Matthew enjoying a pony ride. I was SO proud, he wasn't scared! (Actual Matthew and pumpkin pics to follow, soon, hopefully.)

From 10-15-2008

And last but definitely not least, my Dad finally meeting Rachel.

From 10-15-2008

(If you're born and bred in STL, this probably seems odd, but when you're transplants like us, it can take a while for folks to meet the newest family member. No matter how cute and edible her fat cheeks are!)

Husbands v. Wives, Part 1

2008-10-17T07:37:00.005-05:00

Me: Honey, where are Matthew's diaper pail bags?
Him (from down the hall in Rachel's room): I don't know.
Me: But, um, you change these each week for the garbage. Do you remember taking the last one? (Looking through every drawer and his closet) I don't see them in here.
Him: I don't remember.
Me: I don't understand..how do you just NOT remember? Sometimes I worry about your brain.
Him (rustling around in Rachel's room): Well, last time I saw them, they were in here.
Me (exasperated look): Okay, well, that answers my original question of, "do you remember where they are" then...
Him (still rustling): Yeah, but I don't SEE them...
Me (walking down hallway, open top drawer, reach inside...pull out giant roll of bags within 1.4 seconds): Here they are.

Do they just BUILD us with a magnetic compass inside for lost stuff, or what?

Or rather, do they just build THEM with an extra low level of sight and touch? Because how can we look at the same drawer and he DOESN'T SEE IT?

GO WIVES - the world's finders.

Happy Early Halloween, Gramas!

2008-10-15T19:58:00.005-05:00

Sweet girl in her festive new p.j.'s from Grama Claudia.

Cheeks are expanding!

Just in case you missed the booty on this baby.

Happy its almost Halloween!

My two sweet treats.

Let Me Tell You Something about Playdates

2008-10-15T16:57:00.006-05:00

They are apparently equally fun, but tiring, for all involved. I realize this is probably not a newsflash, but see, this playdate thing is new to me. It's not something I get to do much when I'm working since its limited to weekends and well, everyone including us is usually busy.

So now that Rachel's semi predictable - and Matthew's getting bored stiff watching me feed her and hold her all day - I'm organizing a few before I go back to work. Today I hosted a couple of Mike's former coworkers (and now my friends) and their kiddos for a playdate.

Officially, I think this is the first one at our house, since getting together with BFFs Amelia and Bridget doesn't quite count (they're family :).

I prepared mac and cheese in advance. I pumped a bottle so I could feed Rachel comfortably. I wiped down the sink with Clorox Multi Purpose. I showered before Mike left for work. I MADE THE BED. In short, I tried to prepare. Still, once the crews arrived, I found it hard to keep up with three toddlers and two babies, no matter how cute and good they were (and they were...2 year old boy Brooks and his 5 1/2 month old sister Charlotte, and a 1 1/2 year old Kyla, were all adorable and so sweet).

But holding two adult conversations, with moms you know but don't know REAL well so you kinda can't just let it all hang out, conversation wise ... and feeding the moms ... and three squirmy toddlers ... and walking around doing this while feeding your baby ... and throw in a couple jumpy, stinky dogs that can't decide if they want in or out ... and I don't know if I said one thing that made sense the whole afternoon. Anyone else get that? It's like I'm functioning, and talking but totally distracted and not really sure what I'm saying. A state I fall into frequently since Miss Rachel's arrival, admittedly.

It WAS fun trading "Oh, he does that TOO!" and the resulting frazzled mommy stories. And seeing how cute baby Rachel will look in a few months since baby Charlotte has dark hair just like my girl.

And from this angelic picture, you wouldn't guess there was a moment of chaos.

From 10-15-2008

Watching them sitting perfectly in their chairs and using chubby toddler hands to hold their little forks, just eating away together like grownups, was priceless. Almost like everyone was medicated, er, I mean, on their best behavior for the other kids.

I got five more weeks to be a SAHM. Any other takers????

Takin' Trains, Matthew Style

2008-10-14T20:30:00.007-05:00

Around here one of the only "back pocket" moves we have with Matthew is taking his little wooden Thomas trains and placing them on top of the fridge until he's doing Good Boy Things again. If you're at our house and you hear, "Okay, do I have to take a train?" means its either time to eat or time to sleep.

Tonight we've put him to bed, and Rachel's sleeping, and we're finally both sitting down with laptops and some Biggest Loser. And then we hear him in there, "Mommy, Mommy, it's NOT dark outside, it's LIGHT outside ..." which is clearly building his case for the next one, "It's NOT nght night time."

Keep in mind Michael's already been in there twice and I've been in there once to shush him and it's now well after 8 p.m.

So now we're shooting looks back and forth, "Do we go in again? What next?" while all the time, Matthew's in there, "I got poo poos!" and then, "I need a TIS-UUEEEE!" - all his best whoppers - when suddenly my husband's had enough.

He definitely pushes up from the chair and says, "All right, that's it. I'm TAKIN' TRAINS!" to which I cannot help bust out laughing.

I realize it might not translate how funny this was, but imagine Mike doing this in a very serious and semi angry way. In the same tone I might imagine him committing to joining some bar fight back in college..."Ok, that's it, go time, let's DO this thing!!"

So in he went, threatening all sorts of train taking. However, he didn't actually take one because the boy buckled and acted like he'd sleep.

Naturally in a few minutes, he's yelling "Mommy!" again and this time I go in. "Matthew, if you don't go to sleepy, Mom's gonna have to take a train. And I don't want to, I don't like to take trains."

To which he responds, "Yeah, DADDY likes to take trains." Yep, that's your daddy. He used to golf. Now his only hobby left in this world is taking your trains.

Who DOESN'T Like Whale Noises?

2008-10-13T15:33:00.003-05:00

So the toybox rummaging this morning wasn't just fun bonding for Matthew and me.

It was a master plan for miss Rachel and napping and more of them more consistently.

She's great at night, but only pretty good to okay during the day. There's a lot of "Okay, I'm off to slee...HA HA, gotcha! Now pick me up and hold me for the next hour and a half. I'll keep pretending to drift off, but don't think I'm down because ... GOTCHA AGAIN!"

This morning, I was on a mission for a BFF I haven't seen since Matthew's late stages of babyhood. Behold, the Sleep Sheep.

This was my go to sleep move for Matthew. This was attached to his crib or bassinet or Pack n Play pretty much every day since birth - and every where we went. He seemed to be addicted to the whale noise setting when he went night night.

It was probably more like WE were addicted to FEELING that we had a routine. "Oh, did you pack the sheep? Well, he's GOTTA have his sheelp..." But whatever, we used this thing to death, it seemed to work, and I have in turn provided this to multiple other new mommies as gifts in the last couple years. But hadn't dug it out for little girl baby just yet.

SO - just switched the whales on for Rachel and attached it to the Pack n Play. At first, she actually did go right to sleep. Now I hear her hiccuping in the Pack n Play but the key is, not crying. Just taking in the soft chatter of whales. Fine by me, cuz here I am getting to type.

Sleep Sheep, we still got it.

Ahhhhhh

2008-10-13T14:56:00.003-05:00

Today is one of those mommy days that just works. The baby is napping in the swing - for the second time today. And more importantly, the toddler is napping in his new big boy bed. And not only did he actually GO into it at naptime, but he STAYED in it and is STILL in it and there were no tears involved ("Got some tears, mommy. Got some MESSIES!")

Sure, I've been up since 5:20 a.m. but in mommy standards, that's practically noon, given she slept through from about 10 p.m.!

Got a few minutes to chat with the husband this morning. The Boy slept until 7 a.m. giving me time to feed the baby, get her to sleep, drink two cups of coffee, catch a few snippets of news.

Today we've done puzzles. Eaten breakfast AND lunch. Played as a FAMILY, watching baby Rachel do tummy time while Matthew alternately watched her and snuggled and kissed her, then moved to go through her toychest of his old stuffed animals. We found his old sleep sheep, I explained how it made heartbeat and whale noises babies liked, and then we fed it lunch in his high chair.

I washed baby bottles. I went through part of the giant stack of mail. I filled out her insurance form. And now I'm blogging. And I even read a couple, too. Clearly, I am on FIRE.

And clearly, this means these kids will take me DOWN at some point this week.

Because I figured out real quickly this two kid stuff works as follows: great day, crap day, okay day. Lather, rinse, repeat. But not today. Today's a Good Day.

Okay, wait. So from time I started typing this little bragfest, I hear my little girl's "eh eh EHHHH" which of course means, "Mommy, haven't we talked before about what I MUST do whenever you type that I'm being good? I. Must. Meltdown."

Gotta go!

I've Turned the Corner

2008-10-10T09:47:00.004-05:00

Week six accomplishment: Me and the Boppy pillow are finally friends. It's supporting Rachel without her rolling and slumping all over like she does with my pillow system. It's quicker than my 2 pillow system. And I'm better able to reach the laptop.

The key is sitting cross legged. Which I realize they do in all the Bobby ads. Even the smiling bottle feeding Dad is cross legged, not just sitting with it on his lap. Duh.

Five Weeks?!??!

2008-10-01T11:06:00.004-05:00

How can it be five weeks since I brought my sweet baby girl home? In that time, she's gained a pound (or more), while I've continue to steadfastly not lose any more.

Also she's breastfeeding really well, sleeping regularly, isn't crazy fussy, and even lets us get 4-5 hours of sleep at a time. Sometimes. When she feels like it.

She loves her big brother. I think...when she stares at him goggly eyed, and sticks her tongue in and out, that's love right?

And most days, HE loves HER. Kissing her, and telling her good morning and goodnight. And asking me (ALL DAY LONG), "Mama, where's Baby Rachel? What's Baby Rachel DOing? Oh, she's so lit-tle." And even shushing the dogs - and the neighbors' dogs - if they bark when she's sleeping.

Of course, there have been the times he's launched a sippy at her head, or whacked her with a Matchbox car. These things happen though with toddlers and new sibs. (Right???) Mostly that's been when he's been frustrated with ME, not out of straight jealous moments. You know when I won't give him what he wants. Which occurs any zillion number of times a day when I will not let him watch TV for the third hour in a row, or when I ask him to stop banging his airplane into the wall. Or when I, you know, ask him to Eat Food.

It can be stressful. That is for DARN SURE (read with slight note of hysteria). But overall, we seem to somehow be adjusting to this new powerful little force that arrived, literally, about 5 weeks ago to the minute.

Actually, I was probably mid push right about now, wondering if I was a wimp or if the nurses and doctor and Michael were crazy because, dude, I swear that epidural wore off before it even got started. Which reminds me, I still owe my blog her birth story. Maybe for week six ...

In the meantime, here's a recent one that pretty much embodies what I look at all day. This girl makes some FACES.

From 09-25-08

Also, from this past Saturday, Matthew enjoying the Grant's farm goats during our visit there when it was so beautiful out.

From 10-1-2008

He's came a long way from running scared into Aunt Kim's arms during a visit at this same time last year. Now he's giggling as they nibble him and is fact much more okay with his being eaten alive by baby goats than I am.

(And yes, somehow we managed this outdoors outing and lived to tell about it. I suspect we won't attempt such a feat again for while. NOT because we didn't have fun. Because it literally sapped every ounce of energy out of me to get them ready, out, enjoy the day, and get us home, and I'll be plugged into the wall recharging for months.)

Also this weekend, Baby Shane and Baby Amelia's double baptism made for a very special Sunday.I was a little more on the ball with Baby Amelia's (and Kim and Mark's) photos, sorry Shane buddy.

From 10-1-2008

Matthew and Bridget agreed the best part of church is watching the train go by outside afterward.

From 10-1-2008

Later, we all had a fun time at the Jones' house reception, where I got this photo of the two little sweeties...and their babies, ha ha.

From 10-1-2008

Don't Aunt Erin and Aunt Kim ... respectively holding their niece Amelia and nephew Shane, look proud? They should, these kids are both lookers and both just as sweet as can be. Love you, Jones babies.

That's all. I should probably remove the baby from the swing after 2 hours, don't you agree? Especially given I've listened to her cry for the last few photo-uploads? (One of many differences between first and second kiddos; I'm impervious to guilt crying now.)

What If We Went for a Third?

2008-09-25T10:01:00.000-05:00

Rachel, Matthew, and Baby Seahorse snuggled into Rachel's crib. One of the most heartwarming moments I've had this past month.

Three DOES balance out the photo nicely. And if babies did nothing except play music and make their tummies glow, staring at me with placid plush faces, sure why not?

But since instead they cry at 4 a.m. or whack their sisters on the head, I suspect we'll stick with the two suckers on the left.

My Little Devil

2008-09-23T15:07:00.000-05:00

Because today, I needed a reminder that my little boy is pretty cute and sweet most days. And NOT, as it turns out, Satan's offspring after all...

How's It Going?

2008-09-23T09:15:00.000-05:00

Today is the day before my daughter's one month birthday so I felt my first post in 3 weeks might be in order. SOooo... Here's what's going on over here with me and the two (completely the boss of me) short stuffs:

Lots of sitting on the couch marathon breastfeeding sessions while watching endless morning/daytime/middle of the night TV. Which means CNN is about to cut me off as a junkie because it's the only thing that's dependably decent.

Lots of negotiating. Matthew, if you let Mommy feed Rachel, then I'll play Play-Dough. Matthew, if you let Mom finish pumping, I'll play cars. Matthew, if I let you watch Thomas, will you sit here next to us? (This just in) Matthew, if you let Mommy do the computer, I'll let you watch Wheels on the Bus (Thank you, YouTube, for not being a totally useless time waster but also a helpful childcare device. There are LOTS of cute videos out there. Such as 20 minutes of kittens playing/falling off things... he LOVES it).

Lots of guilt about what I'm NOT getting done every day. Sure, I would tell anyone of YOU just having babies, don't worry about laundry, dishes, thank you notes...and certainly not blogging or posting photos. Yet every day these chores and more loom over my head on most days where getting out of my p.j.'s and feeding us all our 3 squares a day (or 8, as the case may be) should be a big accomplishment.

Lots of borderline neglect of my toddler when I decide, dammit, I AM going to get on the computer or make this call or do X for just ten minutes. Such as right this minute when Matthew is in our room, opening and shutting the door, probably in between going through all our drawers and ingesting something poisonous I don't even know I have in there. And asking me for the zillionith time already this morning, Mama, what you doing? What you doing? Which reminds me...

Lots of endless answering of the same tiny toddler-voice-asked questions. Mama, where Baby Rachel? Mama, what's DAT? (in response to any noise we hear. all day long). Mama, where's Daddy? Mama, where's Maya (cat)? Mama, where's (someone we haven't seen in 3 months)? The amount of questions I am asked and answer each day should qualify me as the all time winner on the world's MOST annoying game show.

Of course, I love him so dearly and on "easier" days am really enjoying the time with him but... OH MY GOODNESS, THE CONSTANT ATTENTION WE NEED.

Did I mention this is only my FIFTH day alone with both of them? Not fiftieth. FIFTH. All the other days I've had moms or helpers thus everything felt deceptively manageable.

I know it will get easier. And I do love taking care of my own kids. But right now I don't have my hard protective "living with a toddler all day" protective shell built up. So it's all feeling overwhelming at the best of times. I'm sure I'll make my bones just about the time I go back to work, right?

Of course, it's not all frustration. There are moments of pure "OMG, how perfect are you kids?" Such as this:

I want to post a lot lot more...birth story, daily observations of being a mom of two, whining comments on sleep deprivation and of course, more on miss Rachel and her emerging personality. As I told EEJ, I have constant blog posts running through my head.

I just need that psychic Star Trek type magic translater to get them straight from my brain into my blog, along with suitably charming photos updates and captions. But until that time, I might be on the slow post schedule. Either that or one of you experienced mommies needs to teach me to type one handed while I feed her.

In the meantime to redeem myself, there are some photos of our first 2 weeks at home posted on my Picasa link here.

The New Style of Post: Random Thoughts from the Post-Partum Compound

2008-09-04T12:48:00.000-05:00

Clearly I have no brainpower or time or energy for normal posts. Maybe because I've barely left the house (ok, couch) and breathing the same air day after day is leaving me with lots to say but no brain cells to type it. Anyway, here's the update I can muster:

-- Thank God and the lactation consultant ladies for the nipple shield 101 yesterday. It is saving my boobs, sanity, baby and probably marriage. And probably all family ties and friendships. I was a sobbing painful mess for Tue and most of Wed. Now I am a tired but sane and only slightly pained. Still a mess - but that's only because I'm wearing the same outfit as yesterday and day before and that outfit is milk soaked. Mentally, though - on my way to normalcy again. I think.

-- I hate this expressions (because, don't they all?) but Rachel seems to have her days and nights mixed up. Snoozes most of the day, with some alert periods. But nothing like the wide awake, Where are we GOING? Let's PARTY! personality we got from 2:45 - 4 a.m. last night after her 2 a.m. feeding. And with Mike going back to work today, my go to move of handing her over for an hour of Shushing post b.f.'ing won't work anymore. I think it's gotta be my gig most nights. Fire up the Tivo'd episodes of Oprah!

-- Besides above life-energy-sapping behavior, she is still very sweet. Think we're still in honeymoon period where she only cries when she has a need. Hates to be cold, or waiting for boob and WILL let you know but then quiets down; when she keeps us awake at night, it's just because she will fuss when we put her down, and I pick her up so it doesn't ramp into the scream - but if you just sit and hold her, she's fine. BUT, I know the truth is yet to come. As my doc said at her appointment yesterday, "She'll still be good now. We wouldn't see colic or any of that type of behavior until about 3 weeks." Yes, miss sunshine, I know, but thanks for reminding me. The clock is ticking in my head to that 3 week mark, believe me. I am literally holding my breath until that point.

-- She gained 3 oz since leaving hospital. In the next week she should gain 5 oz. to get back to her birth weight and make me and doc happy. I suspect she'll do it. She is my daughter. She can gain 10 oz. just by LOOKING at a bottle.

That's all from the mommy 'hood for now. More pictures to come, I swear, you people are animals!

p.s. Today I have busted out My Mommy's Pockets apron for the first time. A full review to follow but so far, I've had paci, burp cloth and cell on hand just when I wanted them! And damn, it's so cute. Thanks, Lig and EEJ! And thanks, Hutch, for being to so inventive. I saw your Baby Talk ad, too, just while perusing through the copy I picked up on a BRU run the other day. That kicks butt!

Brother and Sister Muldrow

2008-08-31T19:17:00.001-05:00

There's so much to post about I can't begin just yet. So I'll just say... I DO see the resemblance between my kids (my KIDS!!!!) that some people are seeing. I didn't at first but...

Matthew at 3 days old

Rachel at about 3 hours old.Similar eyes, nose, mouth, (cutest little) bags under eyes (that you ever saw). But you can see, she's clearly a girly girl whereas he was clearly an 80 year old man.

p.s. I know these won't hold ya over. You are insatiable for baby photos, aren't you. If you haven't seen them yet, Erin's blog has a beautiful post including a link to lots more photos. Thanks for being SO on the game this week, Aunt Erin, we love you for it.

p.p.s. I wish I could point you to the Web Nursery hospital photos. But I can't because they are not posted like they said they would be. Just like they never ever ever are whenever friends have babies and I obsessively search again and again to see if they've posted. Which they usually do like 10 days later, when the kid's already off to high school.

Live From St. Luke's!

2008-08-27T06:52:00.000-05:00

While I am feeling good, thought I'd get at least one official post in. You know, the long detailed boring ones no one else cares about listing every time, contraction and update.

12:05 a.m. - Arrive at L&D with 5 bags, two cameras and the Boppy. We look like first timers, probably. I verify repeatedly, this counts as after midnight, right? That clock is wrong, I show 12:05! Everyone laughs and agrees, yes, we're fine, stupid insurance, midnight. Nurses are so welcoming and we try to be super sweet, funny, super patients that they will love.

12:07 - Mike realizes he's forgotten cord for speakers for IPOD. Despite my protests that we don't need them, he swears we are not doing this without mustic and that it'll take "15 minutes there, 15 back" and off he goes.

1:00 - Low dose Pitocin drip of "1" is in, by 1, how clever! I'm on the monitor, in the uncomfy hospital bed, answered all the questions and covered in identifying bands. And my Sext and the City (SATC for you newbies) marathon is about to begin - Season 1 DVD is playing as the nurse leaves. Oh, and a tiny little pink sleeping pill for the road. Not a bad deal!

1:15 - Ambien is kicking in. Having hard time concentrating on filling out 3 page cord blood donation behemoth form.

1:20 - Mike arrives back, also brought my glasses and contact solution, per my last minute texted request. Brough a bag full of solutions (I have different kinds and probably half expired) and 2 pairs of glasses - both wrong. I own coke bottle glasses from which to see out of when my contacts are out - and thin cheapo reading glasses for over my contact when reading fine print. He brought the Walgreen's $3.99 readers. "Do these LOOK like the glasses I wear when my lenses are out? Do these look like the ones YOU make fun of?" Answer: "I don't know! I didn't LOOK at them." And there yoy have it, folks. The male brain hard at work.

1:30 - Ahh. We are both in the dark, relaxes, watching exploits of those crazy NY ladies.

2:00 - 6:20 - ZZzzz... Ambiens are the bomb. Seriously, I never thought I'd sleep and man did I. Even in this crap bed, I slept. Despite having to wake up each time they can in at 2, 3 and 4 up my Pitocin (by "1" each time. One what, I don't know) or get up to pee or get BP checks or have my monitors adjusted, I slept. The pill just really relaxed me and I could give in to being tired (I really was).I am going to keep a bowl of these out at my house like candy for guests.

6:20 - Awake to have my Pitocin jacked up for realsies now. Also, the poor nurse is more hurried, and for good reason. I learn FOUR LADIES just came in to be delivered. Like, now! One is also my doctor's patient, so I will probably get to see her sooner than I'd thought since I assume she'll stop by to say Hi once she's done with her. Damn, they will all beat me, I just know it!

Did I mention my nurse is 37 weeks pregnant herself and caring for me on the night shift? GOD I love nurses, they are so tough.

6:45 - Send Mike out for fresh ice. Tell him to watch out, it'll be crazy out there with all these new deliveries. He comes back, wide-eyed. I said, I know, I warned you - four pregnant ladies - and they had thought I was their hot priority for the morning. He says the nurses station was completely empty, but he saw one nurse was running down the hall pushing a cart and saying, I hope she didn't already have the baby in the bed!

7:10 - One woman has already delivered!

7:13 - Just heard one more is scheduled for a C-section at 9:30. Side note: Every time I heard that "click" of the IV releasing more into me, I get kinda scared and kinda excited. Side side note: I am definitely feeling these babies now but still, it's really really very bearable. They are not on top of each other yet, and THAT is the kiss of death in terms of my ability to cope.

Temp check... gotta go!

Outtee 5000

2008-08-25T22:05:00.000-05:00

Although I am still HERE here, I am now outtee from work. Today was my last day in the office before my leave, which I've opted to start just one day early tomorrow.

I still don't really believe it. That I'm not driving there tomorrow, having cup after cup of bad decaf coffee, ticking down the assignment list, cranking through my deadlines.

nd of course, to compensate for that, I've already promised on my day off, to touch base with someone handling my assignments ... mind you, this was my idea, not hers.

Why can't I let go? Oh yeah, because that's not the type of person that works where I work :)

Seriously, I have mixed emotions. You'd think I'd be elated for a break and I supposed I am/will be when baby girl is coming home in my arms. But tonight, I feel like, "How can I leave work? How do I deserve to just 'disappear' for 12 weeks? This is borderline irresponsible."

Sick, sick, I know. But it's mainly because I know my being gone means increased work stress and hours for my colleagues. It means someone might not immediately know exactly what to do when the client calls like I do (well, like I do most of the time anyway). I truly love the folks I work with and do NOT want to overburden them or stress them out.

Yet another part of me knows, I cannot control this. I am having a baby and this is just THIS part of my life during this one (in reality, relatively short) 12 week time period. Usually and for years to come, I am/will be there and dedicated. Though it'll mean them carrying the water for a while, I know I'd and will gladly do the same in my future there.

And I know that it's borderline workaholic to be worrying about this 2 days before birth. When I should be worried about how something the size of a watermelon is going to make it's way out of
me. In less than 48 hours (God willing). AHHHHHH!

But there you have it. This blog ain't called Deadlines and Naptimes for no reason. I DO worry, a lot, about work. In fact when people ask me if I'm ready for the baby, I usually start answering in terms of transition plans and to do lists, when I think that maybe what they actually mean, do you have all the pink stuff setup in the room?

Oh, THAT? That's been done, or done enough (second time mamas don't sweat the details). But my transition plan and to do list? Well, that's another story. It feels like there could NEVER be enough time to settle that exactly as I'd like it.

I know I've trained my counterparts as best I can, and documented everything in my brain in a Word doc. I pushed hard on final projects last week. AND have offered many, many times that I can be available for questions. That I'm not dying, I'm just, you know, not there.

But I still can't help feeling like, have I done enough to warrant the privilege of being gone for 12 weeks?

And then I recognize that I'm bordering on the Crazies again by not just letting go, getting into baby mode - and acknowledging that it'll all go on without me, and it'll get done.

I think I will get there. Maybe just, not tonight, my first night after my last day. Or maybe not until I have a little pink squealing bundle of neediness to distract me.

Because for me, the only thing to delete one set of obsessive worries, is adding another.

Superstitious

2008-08-23T07:04:00.000-05:00

When you're this pregnant and dying to be done, everything seems like a sign.

Earlier this week, I completed a big proposal Tue. and completed my Fantasy Football draft. NOW SHE CAN COME!

The next day I completed a big project and got my haircut. NOW, SHE CAN COME!

Last night we ate dinner at Ruby Tuesday, where EEJ ate before Shane. We then came home and found The Departed on TV which for some reason I had told Mike I wanted to buy on DVD for the hospital stay. Talked to my mom in law who said she had thought I might have the baby tonight. And all week, my mom had emailed me not to have the baby but after Fri. night it was okay because she doesn't have any more work shifts scheduled, having cleared her calendar so she can come in to help us out next week.

It was sign after sign! NOW, SURELY, SHE CAN COME!

Yet here I sit. At home. Stuffed full of baby still.

What sort of sign does this kid need that it is symbolically appropriate for her to come out?

Maybe I should text or IM or DM her in utero? "U r late, come out, we luv you but u r crazy already! j/k, come out soon, xoxo, mom."

Anticlimactic

2008-08-18T21:29:00.000-05:00

As several of you know, this weekend we took a very pointless trip to the hospital.

On Saturday morning, I thought I might be leaking fluid. Call exchange, doc says it sounds inconclusive but best to come in, risk of infection if it is and I don't. Ok, sold! Pack the bags! Pack the car! Dump child on babysitters (oh so conveniently arranged already for this very day for our first/last date night in eons)!

But alas, after checking in, getting suited up in a backless gown, getting pantsless, hooked up to monitors, and asking all the "you're about to have a baby, yippee skippee!" questions, like am I breastfeeding, will I donate my cord blood, etc. ... well after all, that, the stupid stupid stupid "fern test" showed I was not, in fact, leaking anything. Except for end of pregnancy not-very-lady-like lady stuff, like everyone does, I guess. Lovely.

I wanted to argue that I knew better, that it wasn't a gush, just a slow leak. And could you check it again? But seeing as how the lady had an M.D. and a microscope, and I had only crazy-lady-I- want-to-be-DONE-dear-God emotions, she won.

I had been losing my mucus plug "stuff" for a couple days prior. Then I saw some blood Sat and thought this is it, the Show! And even though I know that doesn't mean anything, and it can be weeks, blah blah... that combined with the fact that I felt I was leaking, well you see, people, why I got excited.

And why when it wasn't, I was pretty disappointed. I mean, I was there, I was in costume, the nurses that shift seemed nice. What's not to love, let's have a BABY, party people! But it doesn't work like that. No fluid and I was out on my pregnant rear for another 10 days until they'll let me back to be induced.

Thank the Lordy, that number is now down to EIGHT - EIGHT DAYS!

And the last two nights, I've taken looooong walks. In hopes that I'm shaking her further down, because per Dr. Debbie Downer on Saturday, she is way up there still and only a station 4!

That is interesting. Because the pressure on my pelvis is plenty bowling ball esque already. When she moves down "into the pelvic girdle" I am just not sure how I'll stand it.

In the meantime, I'm considering taking up jogging or perhaps Olympics style trampoline, if nothing happens tonight.

I Not Sophisticated

2008-08-14T21:52:00.000-05:00

Am I the only one who can't relate to this baby-vegetable size-analogy?

Your baby weighs 6 1/3 pounds and measures a bit over 19 inches, head to
heel (like a stalk of Swiss chard).

Come on, Babycenter.com, get off your high horse.

***UPDATE: She is now LEEK sized. Should be perfect for a subtle yet pungeant broth for a light summer supper...

Think Back...

2008-08-12T21:49:00.000-05:00

Dear readers, at the end of your pregancies, were you guys constantly...

Thinking every Braxton Hicks might be it?
Praying for your water to break, even in some embarrassing at work/shopping mall scenario, because at least it would be broken? And really, clean up is not your problem, so ...
Constantly on watch for the, er, mucus plug? Still have no concept of what this is and suspect I'd be terrified/burst into tears upon seeing anything like it. But still anxiously awaiting it all the same because it spells an end to this 9 months project of mine.
Dreaming about going into labor? Pissed when you wake up?
OVER people asking you how long, commenting on your belly size (too big or too small), asking "How are you feeee-ling?" with a pinched, pitying look as though you're missing an arm? (and p.s. how do you THINK I am feeling, I have 40 lbs of fat, fluid and baby packed onto me. I am not exactly feeling like a pretty princess..)
Oh yeah, did any of you turn into giant Biyatches like I apparently have?
And finally, were you so over positioning pillows under belly/legs in a complex mathematical equation designed to relieve various types of body pain? And even though it barely helps, repeat this exercise 108 times a night waking up dogs and spouse? And oh groan a lot JUST in case anyone doesn't hear the thrashing?

Also I have a question about suitcases. Did you guys really have these ready?

Because I mean, I can kind of pack but half the stuff I still use, so what's the point of putting it in and out of a bag every day? And really, what would be the fun in being prepared anyway? Last time Mike had to pack mine. And I still treasure those pics of me in the atrocious going home outfit he picked for me. Who says a gray and blue "chili cook off champion" t-shirt doesn't go with giant black pants and 30 extra lbs. as a trendy new mom look? And the complete lack of nursing bras - and underwear - in the bag, well, that just kept life spicy. Ah, memories.

I Am Not Open-Minded

2008-08-05T22:16:00.000-05:00

Because, honest to God, I really don't see myself doing anything remotely like this.

... Get a broad plank of wood, like an ironing board. Prop it at an angle against the couch or a chair ... Lie on the board with your head down and feet resting on either side of the board on the couch. Try it a couple times to get it right.Remain on the board for up to 20 minutes, 3 times a day. (YEAH I'LL GET RIGHT ON THAT.)
After you've got this down (YOU HAVE BECOME A CIRCUS PERFORMER! CONGRATS, NEW BABY AND NEW CAREER!) and you can relax inverted like this, put a bag of frozen veggies (CAN THEY HAVE A CREAM SAUCE? MMMM), wrapped in a thin towel, behind baby's head, and a very warm “hot pac” in front of the baby near your pubic bone. Put the warm pac on the same side of your belly as the baby's hands and feet are on, but close to your pubic bone.Other times, place a paper towel tube in the same spot and have family members speak through it or play Beethoven. (WE PREFER OUTKAST, HOPE THEY TOO HAVE BREECH FLIPPING POWERS)

What they forgot to talk about was when do you call the witch in to wave her wand while you juggle hot coals and speak Swahili to gently encourage you baby to move away from the peas?

This is dang complicated. And what size ironing board is that anyway? Because I'm pretty sure mine is about a size 6, and I'm about double that action at least.

KJ, was this what yours involved? Because I went to that website hoping for something more akin to "Lie on the floor and gently stretch your leg over your head ..." type of advice. Something more yoga like. And not involving frozen produce?

Oh well, baby Rachel/Katie and I have another five days to figure this out, I guess. Thanks for the comments earlier. Hopefully she'll take a header on her own here soon before I'm forced to make any decisions.

Gonna Be A Handful

2008-08-05T12:07:00.000-05:00

Several of you have heard me insist that this girl child will be trouble. Partially because Matthew hasn't been (so far ... knock on fake wood desk) and partially because so many sweet good babies seem to have come along in the last few months that I feel they've sucked up all the good baby vibes.

Well, she is already proving me right. Yesterday I learned this little troublemaker has flipped, again, and is now in a frank breech position.

This is better than foot down breech, but still no guarantees that the (what I have already labeled) horrible version procedure would work, if it comes to that.

It might not - she's only 6 lbs and still has lots of fluid to swim around in so flipping again before Monday's appointment isn't out of the question.

Am I crazy to be more scared of someone squeezing my belly and squashing my baby than of an operation? Because right now I'd be tempted to say let's just schedule my c-section and not even go through what frankly, looks like medieval torture just to have a 50/50 chance to flip this kid back.

And if that procedure involves an epidural (some do) then why on earth would I want to go through that and THEN some type of additional birth related pain, section, vaginal or otherwise?

Granted I am giant baby about pain. Maybe it would be fine? Not that bad? Worth it? I don't know yet. But in the meantime, please send me and baby girl 180 degree thoughts this week.

Baby Sisters and Stuff

2008-07-29T22:41:00.000-05:00

Matthew Mike and I had a nice little chat about new baby sister tonight. Want to know how it went?

Are you gonna be a good big brother?
Yuh. (Whispered, monotone, eyes glazed over staring off at nothing while rotely answering affirmative as he always does no matter what ridiculous question we ask, such as, Matthew, did you see a dinosaur today? Yuh.)
Are you gonna love the baby?
Yuh.
Are you gonna kiss the baby?
Are we gonna have a baby like Baby Shane and Baby Amelia?
Is baby gonna drink milk?
Is baby gonna sleep in the crib?
Yuh. Yuh. Yuh. Yuh.

But still, he did seem to be listening. At one point I told Mike, "I think it's sinking in!"

At which point, Matthew pulled his shirt up to discuss the baby in his tummy, and demanded Mike do the same. Oh well, maybe not totally sunk.

Yet again someone today had asked me, Is Matthew excited about his little sister? For some reason although I know the answer is "no because he is less than clueless on this" it always prompts me to go home and try again.

I think there is a very good chance I can walk in with that baby and it still won't "sink in." In a way I hope it doesn't. Sinking in might mean he gets he's not the big kahuna round here anymore. A realization I suspect will not make my life easier with the two of them here.

I would rather he just realizes after about 5 months, oh, that little lady with all the pink stuff is still here. Okay, guess that's fine.

As Kramer Would Say...

2008-07-27T08:51:00.000-05:00

I'm all puffed up! Not all, puffed up really (not quite to puffy shirt standards), but, am suddenly feeling it a bit.

Hopefully it is just the heat, although I have studiously avoided being in it for more than about 3 1/2 minutes. Or maybe it's the 200 pretzel sticks I ate last night. That's not bad for water retention is it?

My B.P. just taken at home is still perfect. I just kinda feel like my fingers are puffy and my face had turned into pumpkin/pie/water filled version of either. Oh well 35 1/2 weeks it's not like anyone feels normal at this point right?

Oh Yeah, Also, My Update

2008-07-21T21:46:00.000-05:00

Friday and Saturday I had Braxton Hicks contractions all day, like regularly, like every three to six minutes. Friday it was enough that I went home from work, laid down, drank about 5 truck driver mug sized waters thinking maybe I was just dehydrated, and laid around timing myself letting poor Mike yet again take care of everything else. (Three cheers for being in the third trimester with a hubby off for the summer!)

Three calls to my OB later, and we determined I was probably "fine" and didn't need to come in, but certainly if things got worse, I had "bloody show" (I mean, REALLY, can't we just say "see some blood"?) or the baby wasn't moving, come in. None of these things happened so lest we ruin our Friday night sleep or the rest of our weekend, we just went on like normal and waited for them to subside or get worse. Plus my Mom was here and she agreed it was probably just false labor and MOMS KNOW EVERYTHING so I felt better not going in.

By Sunday, they subsided and I was back to my normal "contract when I stand up or lift anything" mode. Which seems reasonable. But honestly, I had been getting a little freaked out when they had been coming like clock work and really really wondered, was this it?

Luckily, I now have the lovely weekly appointments, which this week, really was lucky. So today, she took a swab of something that by tomorrow, will either confirm I'm for sure not in any early labor ... or confirm that I "might be" in which case we literally will know nothing more than we know now. Which is that I'm a "finger tip" dialated and looking like I'm "getting ready" but that's about it.

Truthfully, I know I should be patient and make it 40 weeks but I have no interest. Like last time, I am just getting to the point where I want her here, safe, and just want to move to the next phase of this thing which is establishing life with new baby. The preggo gig is wearing thin .
I would love to get to 38 weeks and just have her POP ON OUT TO MEET THE FAM!

Frankly the suspense is killing me at work, too. I keep thinking I can go on like normal and it's become increasingly obvious that I won't accomplish 1/2 of what I thought I might before I leave, between doc visits and just limitations on those really long days. Which I don't think anyone but me expects of me. So I've lately shifted focus into documenting how I do things and training someone to do a lot of what I do. The PR firm employee version of nesting?

On the home front, all I want to do is wash and put away baby clothes, cross things off my baby to do list and most amazingly, read baby and preggo books for the first time since, like, my first 10 weeks of pregnancy with Matthew. I have been so laissez-faire, "oh yeah, due in August, anyway that's a nice blouse you have on!" and suddenly I'm all BABYBABYBABY and the paranoid part of me just wonders, is it a sign? Anyway it prompted me to start packing a suitcase, chat with my mom about her visit days, and fold about 100 billion onesies after washing them in non scented stuff. SHOUT OUT: Thanks to all of you ladies who have purchased or loaned me so many kick A girl baby clothes. I was practically beside myself with glee folding up so many many tiny pink THINGS last night.

Last point: my non-stress test was perfect again today, so was her fluid. We are both doing swimmingly, thank you. Somehow that still didn't get me out of any future monitoring and, in fact, in light of this weekend's contract-a-thon I have now scored myself another OB appointment next Monday where formerly I had none.

I realize so many people have dealt with SO MANY more appointments and genuinely scary pregnancy situations. I should not complain. I truly do know this is "nothing" and I'm blessed and we're lucky. I just, you know ... want life to be a little easier again. Which I am thinking might happen sometime after the baby gets here ... like 2014.

Warning: Way Too Much TMI Ahead

2008-07-21T21:28:00.000-05:00

SO - I took the breastfeeding class on Saturday and it was GREAT. Despite my thinking my Hardee's breakfast would be the highlight of an otherwise lame day filled with no new information, b.f. guilt, "there's only one way to do this right" commentary, no pacifier lectures and the like ... what I got instead was a pleasant, entertaining and even funny instructor who told us right off the bat she didn't think "Formula" was a dirty word and she also didn't believe all the stuff we'd hear in the official video. Hallelujah, right then my ears were opened.

(And I'm trying to figure out how I can "book" her to be my lactation consultant when I'm in the hospital. There are three at my hospital. Last time I got The Other Two. Never even saw this lady, who, by the end of class, literally could do no wrong by Mike and I. Do you think a 20 spot might do it?)

So, at the class I learned some new things; some stuff that reinforced my friends' experiences and advice; and some stuff I technically learned the first time (yes, in my five day b.f. experience) but had kinda forgotten.

And - big news - I learned I might have (wait for it) not quite the normal, er, don't make me type it ... (nipples) ... and that might have helped make Matthew's and my attempt more challenging last time. I won't bore you with the various remedies but the good news is, there are some.

I WILL impress you (or gross you out?) with how I learned this: when this topic of, umm, nipples came up, she mentioned the varieties you can have and how she is surprised so often when women deliver, that their OB hadn't already helped them out a bit by diagnosing what type they had, so those of us with flat (or the really tricky inverted, thankfully, not me) ones can know you might need extra help.

Anyway, she basically offered to tell us right there if we'd be willing to give her a peep show out in the secluded hallway after the class. And by God, I let her. As I told EEJ, that's just how desparate I was.

See, when I had Matthew, as several of you know, there was this lactation Nazi that completely freaked me the f*** out about b.f.'ing about one hour before we were leaving the hospital. Amidst riding my ass for buying the wrong nursing bras (underwire and also, not having a sleep bra ... WTF, they don't teach you this in college, lady), for having supplemented with formula in the hospital (the nurses practically SHOVED it at us and I didn't know better than to accept it), for not having taken a b.f. class, and for not having brought my pump to the hospital ... well, somehow I started tuning her out. Go figure.

But I do believe somewhere in there the phrase "flat nipples" was mentioned. Naturally everything she said to me went out the window once I mentally deemed her a big old B but that had kinda stuck with me that maybe I was a little, well, not quite the norm.

Anyway, when this TOTAL STRANGER Sat. was nice and funny and made this offer, well, I figured I was there to learn how to make b.f.'ing work right? So I let her inspect me. In less than 2 seconds (one per boob, thank you) she informs me that might have been a big part of the challenge last time.

Now - the other challenges of course was not reading a book or taking a class or really, you know, "preparing" at all. I'm sure they say on page one DON'T GIVE THE BABY FORMULA IN THE HOSPITAL but I'm more of a learn as I go person sometimes and I just figured that would be the case here. So I made mistakes.

I also assumed it would painful, but also all natural and easy. Which was a big joke because it was SO not natural feeling for me at all.

And also let's be honest -another challenge was me sort of being a quitter and not persevering and just in my heart, not being really dedicated.

But dammit, it DID seem harder for me than it has for some of my friends. Now I KNOW that when it REALLY gets hard is weeks and months later .. the times you want to quit but somehow push yourself to keep going, or struggle with that decision. It's the hard stuff I never even got to and frankly, had already planned, I might not make it past. But I had always plannned that I'd at least get a few weeks in, then make my decision. And dear readers, many of you seemed able to "just do it" in that first two weeks ... and that was never us, and now I feel a bit better knowing at least one reason why maybe wasn't my fault. Given that as you can see above, I've got a litany of reasons it IS my fault, engraved on the brain.

So armed with nipple shields and pre-pumping strategies and the like (I promise, I'll end it there) I am feeling more confident, more prepared, more determined, and just, well, not quite so guilty. And as you mommies know, that guilt is often way more than half the battle.

People, I have a very important announcement...

2008-07-17T22:16:00.000-05:00

CANNONBALL!

Ok, ok, more like a tiny baby flip. But still, we shall celebrate baby's head pushing down uncomfortably on my pubic bone again, unlike last week when she was feet down.

Now she's right where she should be and just kicking like crazy, all the time, especially after my 5 p.m. vending machine chips and 9:30 p.m. choclate Breyer's. That's mama's girl.

p.s. If you don't love Anchorman, then this post probably makes no sense. If you do, then I guess I love you.

And the Winner Is...

2008-07-12T08:41:00.001-05:00

Apparently Mike and I are on the right track. NOT that I'm the sort of person to need constant outside validation (right? you don't see me like that, right? do you??) But must say I'm quite pleased with my readership's voting tastes.

Despite the inflated Katie vote scandal of '08, that still would come in second after Rachel. And as it so happens, those are what it's down to for us too. There's one we're leaning toward and one that is more our back-up if when the little squirt is born, she doesn't look like the other. But I feel pretty set.

And I swear I just can't look at baby name books anymore. I started entertaining really random choices like "Colleen" and "Eleanore." When the latter actual got a laugh out loud from mother in law, I realized maybe we were stretching a bit.

Simple, classic, guess that's our thang. So thanks for your input, ladies. It helped.

Oh Brother

2008-07-07T21:57:00.000-05:00

Today I had another ultrasound. Saw another chubby baby leg, her FACE, and hair, lots of it.

Matthew and Mike were there too - long story, Mike is driving me around right now which is a pain for him but was fun for us, since he can't usually join me for these.

And Matthew - I was all waiting for this magical moment of him realizing that's his sister on the TV, realizing it's a baby, anything. But what big brother said was "oh, FISHIES!" and ran toward this moving fish nightlight on the other side of the room.

He did show a modest interest at first, identifying my new daughter on screen as "Baby Amelia" which would be Kim and Mark's six week old baby girl. So he does get the idea...even if he didn't grasp today as the momentous event it was. That I did. It was the first time all four of us were together and "hanging out" if you will as new family of four.

And then my little happy maternity bubble was burst when they told me I am now going for weekly monitoring. Like EVERY WEEK. Even though my b.p, her weight, my fluid, you name it, are FINE, they are STILL being like, REALLY cautious and wanting weekly non-stress test and fluid monitoring. Of me. Out in Chesterfield. Where I DO NOT WORK NEAR.

Now, I realize the most important thing is the baby and of course I will go. But really people, I am a bit confused. Last time with Matthew, I was walking around on two hippos for ankles, and we didn't do any of this. My B.P. was also high and p.s. I was a giant giant whale.

This time I'm healthier, smaller and not swelled or at least, hardly at all. And yet I think they'd prefer I take up residence in the Fetal Medicine unit.

Somehow my diagnosis with Matthew went from "borderline pre-eclampsia" at his birth, to "you had pre-eclampsia" when I started the baby girl's appointments. To today some new high risk doc I hadn't seen before started a sentence, "when you see severe pre-eclampsia with the first pregnancy, we want to watch it really closely again..."

Now my pride at not wanting to look like a bad mother kicked in and I didn't correct/argue with him. Also he's the one holding my chart. But really - when did I go from "maybe" to "severe"? Me thinks me smells some guilt and "bullet dodged" from last time? Did they let stuff get a bit out of hand with Matthew and not realize until he arrived safely, thank God? It's weird, I just don't get it.

Mike and I don't want to be the parents that protest too much healthcare but ... seriously, wouldn't some nice kick counts and home B.P. monitoring do just fine?

Oh well, seven more weeks and she'll be here, and I can complain to her in person about the trouble she's caused me. Of course, that's if I can get past fawning over her BIG CHUBBY CHEEKS which we could see in the ultrasound today and which made me realize she sho is my duaghter.

Let the Games Begin

2008-06-24T23:09:00.000-05:00

Up through yesterday's doctor appointment, I coudl truthfully tell her I was not feeling swelled or puffy.

And then yesterday and today happened. And my little cankles must have caught the buss over, wandered up the street, let themselves in and just plopped right down above my feet.

Oh Lord, just keep it manageable. I swear I cannot bring myself to wear flip flops to work.

I can wear the same preggo pants twice in the week, I can groan publicly when I stand up in meetings. I can annoy coworkers with a constant stream of "and then I have this appt and then this one and this one and then I gotta leave early AGAIN..."

But don't make me bust out the flip flops. My feet are far too ugly, and our interns wearning trendy pointy toed shoes are far too trendy, and my self image is far too shaky at month 7 and counting.

Chocolate Chocolate Chocolate

2008-06-12T21:59:00.000-05:00

I realize I've done lots of preggo whining lately. So thought I'd celebrate one of the perks.

A medically necessary, heartburn reducing bowl of Breyer's chocolate ice cream, covered with Hershey's new dark chocolate syrup.

And a brownie.

Birdies for Baby

2008-06-12T21:40:00.000-05:00

After much deliberation, I've chosen a nursery set for baby girl Muldrow. I can't possibly just post it without first sharing my nursery decoration thought process. I will spare you the behind the scenes uber Google trail and just focus on the front runners.

I considered Pottery barn simple and sweet yet sophisticated:

I also looked at Pottery Barn's nod to whimsy, the Penelope bird set.

But in the end, I settled on a nice, economical, and I think, oh so sweet set. Just $150 for a six piece bag o' birdies ... I chose this Birdsong, by Kidsline.

Now, I ordered a lot less than what you see here, so try to imagine it NOT looking like Birdsong threw up all over the nursery. I did go a bit overboard on the "little touches" like ordering the nightlight, switch plate cover, picture frame and lamp. And little basket. And mobile (duh - it's BIRDIES, did you SEE IT?).

It's even cuter in person than the picture - all the parts that look white, are actually sweet light pink. I have died and gone to over the top little girl heaven.

Miracle of miracles, I ordered this Sunday night like, after 10 p.m. And it arrived at my doorstep - free shipping, mind you - about 3 p.m. on Tuesday, when I just happened to be home taking a doctotr "suggested" day off. Thank you, BabySuperMall.com.

By 5 p.m., that little babies room didn't know what hit it. I will post pictures of that once I paint. The walls are stark white now, so all this pink looks a bit much. But once I soften the walls, I think it will be SOOOO cute and the only thing missing will be screechy crazy little person to deposit in it each night.

Doh!

2008-06-06T07:05:00.001-05:00

I crossed another zero line today. I have officially gained the 25 lbs. the high risk doctor "advised" me to limit myself to gain. If she comments at my Monday appointment, I will "advise" her right back that I'm on track for a healthy 35 lbs., and that in itself is a miracle.

Aand that given my recent stress levels and comfort eating, we are all lucky it's not double that. The amount of Baskin Robbins chocolate peanut butter ice cream and Chips Ahoy this small small child has already consumed is nothing less than obscene.

Limitations

2008-05-27T22:09:00.000-05:00

It is soooo frustrating to be pregnant and not able to

a) help enough with the move
b) stop complaining and whining that I can't help enough with the move
c) feeling I physically cannot do what I want to do and know NEEDS doing
d) NOT BE ABLE TO TAKE THE GOOD DRUGS for this awful cold that sprung out of literally nowhere between 3 pm and 6 pm tonight.

See? More whining. It seems to be a symptom of late second trimester, Aimee style.

No, That is NOT What's In There?!

2008-05-20T22:37:00.000-05:00

Anyone else continue to marvel that newborn babies are actually what is inside there...
Making you fat?
Giving you heartburn?
Making you rage at your husband?
Making you cry in front of your husband?
Making you eat the Taco Bell?
Sometime making you throw up the Taco Bell?
Making you tired and crabby? Swelled? Nervous? Not sleep? Waddle? Struggle with back pain? Do acrobatics with pillows? Stress over doctor appointments? Constantly schedule doctor appointments? Gain 25, 35, 45 lbs?

Seeing four newborns in as many weeks has reminded me that what is in, really does come out. It's not just a belly and a backache. It's not an eggplant, rutabagas or whatever fruit-of-the-week the BabyCenter e-mails describe. There's a baby in thar!

A pink, wrinkly baby that blinks, breathes, eats and poops. That pressure I feel in my rib really is BABY FOOT.

Ok, frankly, you babies are freaking me out. Time for bed, and I'll just ignore the "indigestion" kicking me in the ribs because tonight, you, baby, are blowing mama's mind with how NUTS it is that you're in there, growing into a real working person, in my big old Taco Bell filled tummy.

What Helps with Killer 2nd Trimester Heartburn AND Out-of-Town Husbands?

2008-05-13T21:53:00.000-05:00

Ice cold milk and FIVE Chips Ahoy cookies.

Hey, you can't leave one guy alone in the jar.

The REAL Definition of Trouble

2008-05-07T22:03:00.000-05:00

I almost felt my petty whining about traveling woes bite me in the butt, when today I was worried about something more serious - worried that my b.p. was spiking and here I am, X number of states away from home and doctor.

All day I had a headache, which I never have and which docs tell you to watch for. As day wore on, I felt "odd" - kinda puffy, kinda swelled. Just off.

I also felt my sight was a bit blurry, however, that's hard to sort out of the 10 hours hunched over laptop screen.

After debating all day, I decided my course of action would not be calling my doctor, but first, finding a drug store to take my b.p. at one of those free machines. Off to the Rite Aid, which thankfully after 4 tests in a row, confirmed my b.p. is just fine. WHEW.

Tho, it did flip me out when the first reading was high. But next three were normal. Guess it was all the excitement of taking my first public b.p. test that elevated the first?

Anyway, I don't know if I felt better or worse today when my good friend Renae (after I emailed her this was going on today, but before I took b.p. test) said she was worried about me out here by myself. I appreciated the support. But I wanted to say nah, I'm fine.

But really, I'm not answering just for me, I'm answering for little girl too, and so being tough sometimes just feels wrong. Yet being a worry wart does, too. It's such a hard situation to navigate when to call, when to not call.

Anyway - point being, I took a step and feel confident that I am fine and she is fine. But I sure as hizell am glad I'm headed home tomorrow.

The Very Definition of Trouble

2008-05-06T21:27:00.001-05:00

...Me plus on site cafeteria (which very much resembles a "buffet") plus a traveling, lonely, semi-stressed, 110% pregant state of mind.

Do you think my doctor meant, don't gain more than 25 lbs in one TRIP? Because even that may be trouble...o' pizza bar, o' dessert bar, o' hot grilled sandwich maker guy...

If I look bigger when I come back, you are right. Just keep it to yourself.

***UPDATE: I was dreaming of egg salad the other night. And what am I munching right now after visiting the on site caf for lunch today? EGG SALAD SAMMY, BABY. Ask, and ye shall receive...

Differences

2008-05-04T08:48:00.000-05:00

It's hard to remember exactly what's different between my pregnancies. But here are a few things I've noticed:

She kicks more and more frequently than Matthew. Foretelling of awful one hour nap, one hour awake pattern?

My ligaments feel much more sore and stretched. Guess hauling a 30 lb struggling toddler and two laptop bags this time around isn't conducive to nurturing my "delicate condition." Unlike last time, when I spent an average of 3 hours a night watching TV being waited on my my husband. Then another 10 hours a night sleeping, going to bed at 8:30 or 9, and waking up at 7:30, regularly.

I am overall, LESS of a lazy bones than I was with Mathew. Despite my fears about being totally overwhelmed with being pregnant, having a kid, moving and working... most days, I am somehow accomplishing more than I do usually.

It's not to be a contender for the SuperMom awards, I assure you. Not my style - I am more of a "yep I give up, I'm not perfect, secret's out. Flip it to Idol, I'm going to get more ice cream" type usually.

It's just out of sheer necessity of having to keep up at work, raise my son, help sell my house, and help purchase a next one. And you know, clean and dress myself. It's taxing as hell and May's going to be intense. But, it's reassuring that when push comes to shove, Momma can get some sh*t done even 5 months pregnant.

Let's hope that momentum continues at least through early third trimester. After that I take no accountability for not being super, or even effective. I will only take accountability for going to work, coming home from work, hugging my son, putting him to bed, driving to doctor appointments. And eating lots and lots of ice cream in my new house filled with rooms of unpacked boxes and hideous paint and wallpaper projecgts left untouched.

Miracle Tool or Torture Device? You Decide

2008-04-28T06:31:00.000-05:00

Since I've been too cheap to buy maternity clothes, and am still not filling out some of the ones I borrowed that'll be better in a couple months when I am beach ball esque, I am finding myself STILL dressing in bigger sized regular clothes, aided by my Bella Band.

Which has been great, saving me tons of money, and letting my regular clothes still (more or less) fit me.

But which lately has also come to feel like some type of sausage wrap, and guess who's the sausage.

Right now I am just THINKING about getting dressed and my stomach hurts. It certainly does keep your pants up. But it also pushed your innards - and probably, baby - into your back and/or rib cage.

It's clearly meant for that little poochy preggo tummy you have at first - the one that might be too much pizza and beer that weekend, OR might be a 3 month fetus. Not a 5 month 1 lber like I have cooking now, finally.

Most Mortifying Aspect of Second Trimester So Far

2008-04-25T13:10:00.001-05:00

Lots of gas, and it just seems to sneak out sometimes. Like, you know, when I'm talking to a work colleague. Twice.

Grrr

2008-04-23T13:11:00.000-05:00

Rememer when I posted recently that my docs laughably want me to stick to 25 lb weight gain?

I've been doing my best, and Mike has too in terms of trying to be supportive. But also, thankfully, he's not riding me. And is the first one to encourage me to enjoy being pregnant, and have treats when I need treats.

So this morning, when complete lack of dog food in the house sent him scurrying to Schnuck's at 6 a.m. ... he was smart enough to come back, treats in hand: creme-filled doughnuts for him. Croissant, AND giant cherry turnover for me.

WW Points be damned, I attacked that croissant in about 20 seconds flat. Intending to save the turnover for tomorrow ... but when croissant was so surprisingly gone, well, so fast ... I indulged and started nibbling away at my second treat.

Then the Boy or the Dogs or Something else distracted me, so I walked about and left it on the counter For maybe, I don't know, one minute.

Can you dog owners see where I'm going with this? Huh, huh, can you?

I came back to find an empty plate and our dog Bogey fervently licking his chops, and the remaining glazed cherry crumbs off the floor.

I guess this is the Cosmos' way of telling me to take care of me and baby, and not to pig out?

I wish the cosmos would shove it.

Most Interesting Aspect of Second Trimester So Far

2008-04-21T07:14:00.000-05:00

Three words: constant sex dreams. I'll spare you the rest.

Pregnant? Tired? Crabby? Count Your Blessings

2008-04-14T13:45:00.000-05:00

Something useful this week from Babycenter.com:

The penis of a rhinoceros is 2 feet long.
The penis of a mosquito is a hundredth of an inch long.
The praying mantis bites her mate's head off while he impregnates her.
Elephants are pregnant for two years.
Many animals give birth to a dozen or more babies at a time.
Your baby won't be born with hooves.

Today, I am feeling like an elephant ... and elephants everywhere are ready for stampede 20-week-pregnant-and-halfway-done-already me for that remark.

Score TWO!

2008-04-14T06:59:00.001-05:00

Thursday night brought not just a fun book club discussion at my house (read The Glass Castle by Jeanette Wallis, it's great), but a truckload more maternity clothes from my friend Karen.

I have already sported one snappy black and white flower print dress to work and received many compliments. And it's all free!

Which means I see another superfluous baby purchase in my future ...
Thanks, ladies-I-know-with-good-maternity-clothes network!

Now I just have to keep them all straight. Lisa and Karen, can't your mommies sew labels on the tags for me?

SCORE!

2008-04-08T21:48:00.000-05:00

This weekend I went through a gigantic pile of maternity clothes from my friend Lisa. Getting them is a double bonus because (a) she has good taste and (b) I didn't have to buy them. Or pretend I bought them on sale to my husband.

And it ensures when I inevitably freak out from feeling huge, and buy something way overpriced one day this summer in a vain attempt to dress like an attractive female human ... I can feel less guilty. Cuz I got piles of clothes fo' FREE.

God love the mommy network.

P.S.

2008-04-05T23:37:00.000-05:00

What I "forgot" to post from Tuesday's joyous doctor appointment is that we'll be watching this pregnancy verrrryyyy closely for signs of pre-eclampsia. My labs never showed it, but my doctor's marked my file as though I was with Matthew. Between the swelling, the pressure, the low fluid and his small size (6 lb 5 oz) they feel something wasn't working right with my placenta.

So this time the Rx will be:
Take my b.p. daily at home and log it
Monthly ultrasounds to check baby's growth and my fluid
Keep my weight down - aiming for 25 lb weight gaiHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. No really (wiping eyes) I think they were serious.

Wish they would have mentioned that BEFORE I bought the Mrs. Smith's Deep Dish Cherry Crumb Topping pie last Sunday. (Cara, I think you have an affinity for the cherry crumb desserts? Girl, I'm gonna have to put one in your mailbox.)

Nothing to worry about - our baby girl looked perfect. And pre-eclampsia while common in first time moms (1 in 10) is far less so in second timers. And I've lost weight, AND they're gonna monitor me closely. "Put me in a safety net" was the comforting term actually. But it was still a little sobering to hear phrases like "hopefully we can avoid bedrest" or "if we'd have to put you on bedrest..."

AH! You cannot use these words to (a) someone who barely got away from work for today's appointments and between now and birth has multiple website phases to launch and project plans to accomplish, or (b) TO ANY MOM OF ANY KID because funny, toddlers just don't seem to have that healthy respect for mommies who can't get up to get them milkies on demand.

We're fine, it's fine. I am just remotivated to watch diet, try to get outside once it's nice and exerBWAHAHAHAHAHA! sorry, WHEW!

The point is, I am motivated to take maybe a bit better care of myself than maybe I was earlier in this pregnancy. When maybe I was being a bit of a lax, second-timer mom. (I KNOW this must be normal.) When maybe I was sneaking in the second and even third cup of coffee (now it's one). And was seeing most meals as an opportunity to defy the logic of calories in, baby needs 300, where do the other 1500 from my Red Robin burger and milkshake GO? game. And I had noticed my water had dropped from my superstar 8 glasses a day on WW, to maybe 3-4.

So now I'm committed to manage my weight gain really closely, and that way if genetics foils me again and I DO get pre-eclamptic or something like it, I don't have to feel guilty. Or not too guilty (let's not talk about that cherry pie).

This Post Is Not About the Baby's Gender

2008-04-01T22:10:00.001-05:00

It's about Matthew's new shirt and my pretty flowers. See?Matthew wanted you to take in every detail of his new shirt, courteousy of Zoey's Attic.Needless to say - we're all thrilled about, well, Matthew's new shirt, and my pretty flowers. THRILLED!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. Like the new template? I don't know, the color scheme just came to me tonight...

Drum Roll Please

2008-03-31T22:07:00.001-05:00

Most of you know that tomorrow is the big ultrasound day. I am soooooo excited. I can't quite believe still we're cheating and finding out. But I also cannot wait for that moment tomorrow.

The only bad part is, last time I found out the sex, I got to hold that kiddo a few minutes later. This time - ah! - I've got such a long wait left to go.

Hopefully it'll be more motivating than anything else - as I will have lots of blue or pink decorating to do in the next few months. Well, after I sell my house and buy another one and move all my crap into it, that is. THEN I get to pick the paint swatches.

And, hopefully baby will be perfectly happy and healthy in there. First and foremost. Wish us luck.

And check back here tomorrow, same bat time, same bat channel, for what promises to be a newsworthy post.